Guy walks in with a monkey

[RangerBob275]

A white man walked into a bar in Manila along with his pet monkey. The first thing he did was turned the monkey lose. The monkey first went to the bar and ate all the chips, then it ate all the peanuts. The monkey even went over to the pool table and ate the cue ball.

The bartender seen all this and asked the white man, " Did you see what your monkey just did?"

The man replied, " No I was watching the girls,,, What did that monkey of mine do now?" The bartender told him what it had done. The man says," I am so very sorry, but that monkey of mine will eat anything." He then pays for all damages and all is ok.

A few months later that same man goes into that same bar and with that same monkey. He again turns the monkey lose. First think the monkey does is jumps up onto the bar and take one of those little drink cherries and sticks it up its back side. Then pulls it out and eats it.

The bartender see this and says to the white man, " Mister did you see what you monkey just did?" The white man said no that he was watching the girls. The bartender tells the man what the monkey has done.

The man replies," I am so sorry, but remember when I was in here the last time? Well after that cue ball thing,, he measures first."

[merlyn]

Okay, so this gorilla walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender walks over
and asks the gorilla if he would like to order something. The gorilla says "Yeah,
bring me a martini". The bartender brings the gorilla a martini; and the gorilla
gives the bartender a ten spot. The bartender returns; and gives the gorilla his
$1.50 change. Trying to be cool about having a talking gorilla in his bar; the
bartender says "You know, we don't get very many gorillas in here". The gorilla
replies "At $8.50 a martini I can understand why".

Merlyn

[panthersix]

A 3rd Bn Ranger walks into a bar in Alabama with a huge, multicolored parrot on his shoulder and sits down and orders a rum and coke. The bartender pours the drink and puts in front of the 3rd Bn Ranger and then says "where'd you get that thing".












To which the parrot replies "down at Fort Benning, there's hundreds of them running around"!

[Buzz]

A guy walked into the local Welfare Office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job." The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter. You'll have to drive around in his 2009 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips. This is rather awkward to say but you will also have, as part of your job assignment, to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive. A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."



The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"



The social worker said, "Yeah, well . You started it.."

[merlyn]

Hey Buzz & Lunch

[RangerBob275]

Three guys are drinking in a bar when a drunk comes in, staggers up to them, and points at the guy in the middle, shouting, "Your mom's the best sex in town!"

Everyone expects a fight, but the guy ignores him, so the drunk wanders off and bellies up to the bar at the far end.

Ten minutes later, the drunk comes back, points at the same guy, and says, "I just did your mom, and it was sw-e-et!"

Again the guy refuses to take the bait, and the drunk goes back to the far end of the bar.

Ten minutes later, he comes back and announces, "Your mom liked it!"

Finally the guy interrupts. "Go home, Dad, you're drunk!"

[RangerBob275]

A guy walks into a bar and orders six shooters. The bartender says, "Looks like you are having a bad day."

The guy says, "Am I ever! I woke up late for work. On my way to work, I got in an accident. When I got to work, I was four hours late, so the boss fired me. To top it off, I came home to my wife screwing my best friend."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your wife?"

The guy says, "I told her to get out, and I never want to see her again."

The bartender says, "What did you say to your best friend?"

The guy says, "BAD DOG"