Support

Runner · Post by **Runner** » May 16th, 2004, 5:33 pm

Well this is great. I knew my mom was against me joining the army, but now my grandparents are against it too, and my dad is just goin with what my mom says (although he said if I do join he want's me to be an officer...and he obviously wants me to be Airborne like him). Anyways, any other DEPs/Newts got the same support problem?

Editted to add: If any Rangers or any other veteran here had this problem, what did you do?

Ranger Hopps · Post by **Ranger Hopps** » May 16th, 2004, 5:45 pm

This question was just recently brought up in a section of this site only available to Opt. 40 slugs. Here are posts made pertaining to this, i hope they will help you out and give you wisdom in how to deal with your current situation...

Ray80 wrote: I am doing this because my parents are against my enlistment and will not accept it for what it is. Maybe some of you are in the same boat. I would rather leave for the Army on good terms with my family, especially since they are the only family I have. My mother does not grasp the concept of selfless service. To her, money and living a comfortable life are what matter most. That, and she wants me to stay as safe as possible. I was contemplating giving my parents the big "Fuck you," but that's not a good way to deal with it.

This is a negotiation we all have to pass, so how has everyone done on it? I guess this could be a thread for future Minor Mayhem participants to resurrect and post in after we all leave. Thanks in advance to anyone who shares and for your committment to serve.

Best,

Ray

daveoskie wrote:Ray,

I am in the same situation with my family. I guess guys like us living here in Wisconsin are consistently facing this problem. Madison is an extremely liberal town, and my family is against the bush administration, and the war in Iraq. My father has even stated that it is Bush's fault for Ranger Tillmanâ€™s death, because we took troops out of A'stan and put them in Iraq for a "fictitious war". Having acceptance of your enlistment is something that all of us wants, but is not necessarily going to happen. You're parents have been the sole providers of information for you the past 18+ years. You're decisions in your life have been made based on your previous experience and history in your life based on your parents. As we grow older and want to make a life for ourselves, we start to make decisions based on our real life knowledge and experiences. Parents sometimes do not accept the fact that you are doing something that they did not do, or did not consider. There are many reasons for parents not wanting us to enlist in the Armed Services, including: our safety, political indifference, not wanting us to be away, they even think we don't know what we want to do with our own lives. In the end, our recruiters are right, and it is our own decision. However, normally young men like you and me make our decisions based on our previous issues in our life, our family, and our current grasp of the world. That being said, we ask our parents what they think, and most of the time they are against it. I have come to realize that I may never change my parentâ€™s views on the Army, or our president, but I can change their feelings about soldiers. My mother was under the impression that all soldiers were young guys who couldn't get into college who were no good, and couldn't hold down a job. After showing them countless examples of the contrary they have told me to do what I want to do. In the end, after our training our parents WILL accept our lifestyle and will support us. Believe it or not, they are looking out for us with best intentions, but they may just not show it right now.

blacksrt4 wrote:Well I am not sure if I should even post because I am not in that situation (anymore). My Dad was in the Army (infantry) for 20 years so he thought it was a good idea and was very proud of me. My Mom on the other hand did not agree to much at first. When the recruiter was talkin with my parents (i was 17 at the time) the recruiter asked if they supported me and all that. My Dad said yeah I support him fully, my Mom said NO!!! Well the whole recruiting station went quiet, and my Mom stated she was scared something would happen to me or something of that nature. Well my Mom did give consent for me to go to MEPS and enlist, but she still was not supporting me she would ask me if I was sure and kept reminding me I didnt have to go untill I was on the plane, train, or bus. She kept saying "You can still drop out and go to college its not to late". My Dad would talk to her and make her feel confortable saying I was doing the same thing as will be for 20 years and I never was hurt seriousley. Well my Mom is coming around and now even thinks its a good idea because I can gain disapline and have money for college later if I choose to go and I will not be blowing my money away because of partys and such...Just my input

I myself can't relate to this because my parents didn't like the fact that i wanted to join the military but they said they will support anything i wish to do. They signed for me to enlist when i was 17 :)

Hopps

Runner · Post by **Runner** » May 16th, 2004, 6:22 pm

Thanks for the posts, they all help a lot. Gives me somethin else to think about when I talk about this with my parents.

Earthpig · Post by **Earthpig** » May 16th, 2004, 6:37 pm

It's only natural for a parent to coddle their offspring. No one wants to think that their son or daughter might be placing their life in jeopardy. I think that to a certain degree, we have all faced a bit of what you are facing.

My parents thought it was ridiculous that I wanted to enlist. I explained my views and reminded them that I was a man (I was almost 31 at the time) and would choose my own life-path. Granted, my age probably had a lot to do with the outcome.

To this day, my mother (and father) are quick to point out to others that their son was an Army Ranger.

After the fact, they were extremely proud. Additionally, my parents are not liberals (thank God!), so I didn't have to deal with the whole anti-war scenario.

The only advice I can give you guys who are facing this is: follow your heart. If you truly feel that enlisting will be a bad move, don't do it. If you honestly feel (as I did) that your life will never be complete unless you enlist, then grab your sack and jump. Just make damned sure that you don't fail. If you quit or get the boot, you will have lost twice: once with your family and once with your goals.

RLTW
EP

Runner · Post by **Runner** » May 16th, 2004, 6:42 pm

Thanks a lot Ranger EarthPig for the insight. My parents are a lot like yours from what little you described of them. My mom just doesn't like war period and my dad is very supportful of our troops. So I shouldn't have TOO much of a problem getting them to support me, but as Ranger EarthPig said, every mother wants to coddle their offspring.

Malarkey

Apollo · Post by **Apollo** » May 16th, 2004, 7:46 pm

Malarkey,
You probably have it easier than I when it comes to support. See, My father's side of the family is very against it. They know I'm intelligent and want me to go to a good school and earn my happyness. That isn't me, I know it, they may know it. Let me tell you, My dad and I got into a big fight about the military once. He was a liberal from Berkley during the end of the Vietnam era.
So anyways, he was being so closed minded her wouldn't even support the idea of just talking to the recruiter. Finally I got frustrated and tossed a chair at my door... Bad behavior I know, though I managed to put a very nice dent in the door (BTW DON"T GET ANGRY WHEN TALKING WITH PARENTS... They will only think of you more as a child).
Finally after that little climax he was more willing to entertain the idea of TALKING to the recruiter. He talked to him, then said that I should "keep my options open." Then he FORCED me to take the SATs to "leave my options open". My whole attempt at enlistment has been an upward battle against a well entrenched liberal. FIDO
I'm going to enlist, its just when that is the governing factor. Oh yah, mom's side is all for it, though once the divorce papers are FINALLY through my old man has custody of me so she won't matter at that point.
---Jon

Bell · Post by **Bell** » May 16th, 2004, 8:21 pm

Hey guys, when ya hit 18 you can enlist. Most of the world views 18 as young adults. You're on probation of sorts. Ya can't buy alcohol, go to bars, vote in federal elections, a few other things. However, you can buy tobacco products, vote in state elections, join the Military, a few other things.

You're young men. Act like it. Stop arguing. You don't need their approval. Stand on your own two feet and do what you think is right. Don't even bother to discuss it anymore. If they insist on talking about it, listen. Be civil. Then shake their hand, or kiss em, tell em you love em, and go enlist.

Parents have to be trained too. They don't want to let go. Sometimes YOU have to be the one to cut the apron strings. They will see you in a different way when you graduate Basics/AIT. Bet they show up for graduation ceremonies and are proud as hell of ya. If they don't? FIDO. Do what ya gotta do. You're the one that has to live with yourself once you're out of that house. You're growing up fellas. Act like it.

RLTW
Bell

straightshooter · Post by **straightshooter** » May 16th, 2004, 10:02 pm

I remember when I joined. My parents also thought I was out of my mind, laughed about it, teased me about being just like private Benjamin. All I know is that after they saw I was serious about my convictions and that it was important to me, they didn't agree but left it alone. Then when I qualified and made the elite 100 member US Army Shooting team, I was their star child again. At first I thought, hey great, I can go figure out what I want to do with myself for a few years and get some college money for when I get out.

Well, after I enlisted my whole ideas of the military were layed before me. It wasn't about the college money anymore. I had friends going over in the first Desert Storm and all I could think about is how I could find a way to help them and support them to get them home safely. It not only had me thinking of my friends, but a much bigger picture.

Ask yourself this...why am I doing this, why am I joining? My answer which I hope you at least would consider pondering on would be:

I do not want a war to come to my 87 year old grandmother, my little nieces and nephews to experience what they do in Bosnia or to have my dad at age 65 have to pick up a gun to keep my mother from being raped. This country is protected by young men and women just like you to keep that from happening. People don't realize how lucky they are here in the states compared to our foreign neighbors. So as much as your parents may not want to have their sons and daughters involved, wouldn't you rather like the feeling of knowing that you helped protect your family? After all your parents were your protector while you were growing up and now your old enough to watch out after them as they have earned the right to grow older in peace. You have the chance to secure their future by keeping terrorism away from our homeland.

Don't join just because you are being rebellious towards your family join only if your heart tells you to. It is a life changing experience that I believe everyone should go through.

SS

Earthpig · Post by **Earthpig** » May 17th, 2004, 5:19 am

Very well said, SS!
RLTW
EP

Looon · Post by **Looon** » May 17th, 2004, 9:16 am

BOYS, and I mean BOYS. We are at war. The esteemed vets have given honest accounts of what it means to serve. If you are joing just to get away, you have already increased your chances of not making it. If you don't have it in your heart to do it, that in it self could cost you or one of you friends to get fucked up or killed.

WE ARE AT WAR!!

Looon · Post by **Looon** » May 17th, 2004, 10:29 am

I was a very good baseball player. I was invited to my first PRO tryout when I was 16. I'm not saying I would have ended up winning the world series or anything, but I was a damn good power pitcher. I played one yr of college ball and decided to go to a more important calling.

In my heart I wanted to serve. I do not regret giving up baseball one bit. It really bothered my dad. I did it anyway. I'll bet you a million bucks he is more proud of what I did when I joined to become a Ranger and serve.

Flesh Thorn · Post by **Flesh Thorn** » May 17th, 2004, 12:02 pm

Joining for college money is a joke. I discovered that I could get free money(Pell Grant) in the exact same mount as my Army College Fund and without the monthly paper work bull shit, but I could not get both. So, there was $1200 that I could have saved.