These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts , and are things people actually said in court , word for word , taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said , 'Where am I , Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis , does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes , voodoo.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor , isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son , the 20-year-old , how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20 , much like your IQ.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you kidding me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTO RNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor , I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No , this is how I dress when I go to work.
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them.. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral , OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral..
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not , he was by the time I finished.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor , before you performed the autopsy , did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So , then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure , Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see , but could the patient have still been alive , nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes , it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
This is real funny!
Moderator: Site Admin
This is real funny!
RS Class 5-82
French Commando 11-83
LRSLC Class 5-87
U.S. Army 1980-1984 and 1987-1990
---------
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”
George S. Patton
French Commando 11-83
LRSLC Class 5-87
U.S. Army 1980-1984 and 1987-1990
---------
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”
George S. Patton
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- Ranger/LRRP/Admin
- Posts: 8306
- Joined: June 22nd, 2006, 8:47 am
Re: This is real funny!
Very good Chris!
SUA SPONTE - "We few, we happy few, we BAND OF BROTHERS;
for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother!" - Shakespeare
RLTW! - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave
RS 3-70
SSG VN 69-70
I Co., 75th. Inf.
4/9 Inf., 25th ID
Mentored Ranger kozzman555
http://www.75thrra.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 183
http://www.ranger.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 3537
for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother!" - Shakespeare
RLTW! - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave
RS 3-70
SSG VN 69-70
I Co., 75th. Inf.
4/9 Inf., 25th ID
Mentored Ranger kozzman555
http://www.75thrra.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 183
http://www.ranger.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 3537
- Rangertab1
- Tadpole
- Posts: 276
- Joined: January 27th, 2009, 3:18 pm
Re: This is real funny!
Outstanding! I get to lead my family through humanity's next mass die-off. -Me
Commissioned, Lamar University - 19 December 1992
Ranger School Class 10-93
S4 RSE PL, 2/75 93-94
Commissioned, Lamar University - 19 December 1992
Ranger School Class 10-93
S4 RSE PL, 2/75 93-94
-
- Ranger
- Posts: 3145
- Joined: February 9th, 2005, 10:45 am
Re: This is real funny!
Oh shit that was some funny stuff!
HHC 1/75 '92
OIF 07-09
197th STC (SO)(A)-present
Sua Sponte!
Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent - that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman and loves only a warrior.
Friedrich Nietzsche
OIF 07-09
197th STC (SO)(A)-present
Sua Sponte!
Courageous, untroubled, mocking and violent - that is what Wisdom wants us to be. Wisdom is a woman and loves only a warrior.
Friedrich Nietzsche
-
- Ranger/LRRP/Admin
- Posts: 8306
- Joined: June 22nd, 2006, 8:47 am
Re: This is real funny!
Hey, I wonder if any of these are garyedolan's?
SUA SPONTE - "We few, we happy few, we BAND OF BROTHERS;
for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother!" - Shakespeare
RLTW! - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave
RS 3-70
SSG VN 69-70
I Co., 75th. Inf.
4/9 Inf., 25th ID
Mentored Ranger kozzman555
http://www.75thrra.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 183
http://www.ranger.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 3537
for he today that sheds his blood with me shall be my brother!" - Shakespeare
RLTW! - Land of the Free BECAUSE of the Brave
RS 3-70
SSG VN 69-70
I Co., 75th. Inf.
4/9 Inf., 25th ID
Mentored Ranger kozzman555
http://www.75thrra.com" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 183
http://www.ranger.org" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false; - LM 3537
Re: This is real funny!
Perfect timing Chris!!
B Co. FIST 3/75 Rgr Rgt.
1991-2000
RS 9-92
Task Force Ranger 1993
For those who fight for it, freedom has a flavor the protected will never know.
1991-2000
RS 9-92
Task Force Ranger 1993
For those who fight for it, freedom has a flavor the protected will never know.