Our 213 Things

ANGRYCivilian · Post by **ANGRYCivilian** » November 15th, 2006, 7:43 am

I will not make PVT W******* wear the Cape of Rascalinity (mask and cape made of sewn-together rabbit skins with eye slits) because he is weak and had a pet racoon named Rascal back home in OH.

I will help PVT W******* shine his boots before every formation because they looked like shit and because I made him wear the Cape of Rascalinity.

I will not laugh out loud when SSG O***** chews PVT W******* out and makes him cry.

While acting as the BN OPFOR team leader, I will not attack the non-BN NG Avenger teams and confiscate their M9's.

I will not, after the non-BN NG Avenger crewmember steals my porno mags while giving him a ride to the closest jiffy store, strip him naked, tie him up to the front of his Avenger leaving him there overnight, and steal all his civilian gear.

While acting as the BN OPFOR team leader, I will not turn off my radio and be unreachable for days on end, attacking anyone and everyone I see.

I will not sneak into the Chaplain's tent and duct-tape hime to his cot, then steal him and take him back to my OPFOR camp.

I will not wire-tie 17 rattle snake heads, cow skulls, coyote skins, rabbit bodies, or any other bones, bodies, or animals that I find or kill while in the field to my humvee, so that it looks like it's from Mad Max.

I will not hang dead Rattle snakes from the entrance into my cammo net, so the BC and 1SG will not come in.

I will appologise in formation for saying, "Fuck you, you fat fucking leg!", to a female SGT, instead of getting an Article 15.

I will not piss on an arrowhead so that my Section Chief cannot pick it up and I can. Finders Keepers.

I will troll ArmyRanger.com all day at work.

BruteForce · Post by **BruteForce** » November 15th, 2006, 10:38 am

ANGRYCivilian wrote: I will not wire-tie 17 rattle snake heads, cow skulls, coyote skins, rabbit bodies, or any other bones, bodies, or animals that I find or kill while in the field to my humvee, so that it looks like it's from Mad Max.

Bahahaha! :D :D :D :D

23LRS · Post by **23LRS** » November 15th, 2006, 10:47 am

I will not laugh when a Plt. Sgt trips over a log in South Rainer at night, which causes his ruck to flip over his head and pin him to the ground in a rather awkward position!

PurduePara203 · Post by **PurduePara203** » November 15th, 2006, 11:47 am

Saying "Konichiwa Bitches"over the battalion net is not the proper way to conduct a radio check even though it always gets a response.

MrsDocMac · Post by **MrsDocMac** » November 15th, 2006, 12:09 pm

I am not allowed to turn my SUV into an open bar for the medical section at the Bn parade.

(At least not withouth inviting the Bn SGM and the company 1Sgt.....)

I am not allowed to call my husband's soldiers names when I drink more than them. This is apparently wrong. (Unless of course they get sick, then they are fair game....)

PurduePara203 · Post by **PurduePara203** » November 15th, 2006, 9:52 pm

The M240B is supposed to be fired in 6 to 9 round bursts, not 69 round bursts.

A 100 MPH tape thong is not an authorized duty uniform.

Neither is a pair of Hooters shorts.

Jingling your keys in front of the 1SGs face when he's ripping into your ass is not a good idea, even if he does have ADD.

KW Driver · Post by **KW Driver** » November 15th, 2006, 10:24 pm

I will not place my aircraft into an unusaual attitude, begin an autorotation, and scream into the intercom to wake up my copilot who nodded off...