Our 213 Things

BadMuther · Post by **BadMuther** » April 28th, 2004, 2:31 pm

Rangers with access to CS powder are not to spread it on other Ranger's belongings.

Also, Rangers are not to add CS powder or crushed up heat tabs to the bottom of a smoke grenade.

Slowpoke · Post by **Slowpoke** » April 29th, 2004, 12:52 am

I am not allowed to throw a CS grenade into a bar full of legs and then bar the only door.

I am not allowed to throw a CS grenade into a bus full of Vietnamese civilians .

rangercamaro · Post by **rangercamaro** » April 29th, 2004, 1:07 am

I am not allowed to play Golf cart polo on the CG's golf course.....

I am not allowed to play bumper cars with the CG'S golfcarts...

I am not allowed to leave skid marks on the putting greens....

I am not allowed to line up privates to drive deer towards me....

I am not allowed to moon the MP's at the gate as i leave post.....

I am not allowed to tie up a cherry and hang him from the second story windows outside room 212......

I am not allowed to yell Tick check around SFC Harrison.....

rangercamaro · Post by **rangercamaro** » April 29th, 2004, 1:40 am

I am not allowed to spray mace in the heat vents of my supervisors car.....

I am not allowed to flashbang a meeting attended by the mayor, chief of police and shift supervisors....

I am not allowed to continue Tazing a prisoner until the battery goes dead...

It is wrong to yell batter up when i draw my expandable baton.....

It is wrong to play "Elise" over the loud speaker while patrolling the projects.....

It is wrong to tell the guy i arrested "I would've punched her ass too!!!"....

Rgr_MindRiot · Post by **Rgr_MindRiot** » April 29th, 2004, 11:34 am

I'm not allowed to shoot at Cobras with Starclusters.

I'm not allowed to shoot at Leggs with Starclusters.

I'm not allowed to stockpile Starclusters under my bunk.

I'm not allowed to rub the head of my dik around the lip of a cherry's drink when he goes to the latrine.

I'm not allowed to pull a cherry's PT trunks down around his ankels at the same moment the CSM calls the Batt. to attention.

I'm not allowed to shoot cats with my duty weapon.

I'm not allowed to say "we must compell you" when drawing my impact weapon.

I'm not allowed to tell female officers that the only reason they are there is so we can have our own, private whores.

I'm not allowed to tell female officers "you pissed him off, you arrest him".

I'm not allowed to tell the arrestee that the woman sucking his dick is really a man (unless it is true).

I'm not allowed to urinate on sleeping bums.

I'm not allowed to practice my eluding techniques with good looking prostitute in car and my team trying to follow.

I'm not allowed to wear a rubber mask of President Reagan while running a motorcycle esort for Vice President Bush.

FireFinder · Post by **FireFinder** » May 6th, 2004, 1:46 pm

Man, I thought I had something to offer here, but it was already posted further down from http://www.cavalrypilot.com/101.html

The few things I can remember (and not verbatim):

Paintball guns are not authorized in the barracks.

Shooting bottle rockets into the open windows of the leg artillery battalion's barracks at night is not allowed.

Floor buffers are not to be used in any kind of "rodeo" competition.

Steadfast · Post by **Steadfast** » May 7th, 2004, 2:03 pm

Don't brag to unknown men that Jimmy Hoffa told you some secrets before he disappeared.

AngryPistols · Post by **AngryPistols** » May 7th, 2004, 2:30 pm

I am not supposed to shove my Maglight into the spokes of a dumbass dependant driving a moped in order to get him to stop.

This is after he says, 'efff you, you are off post and I don't recognize your authority'

PurduePara203 · Post by **PurduePara203** » November 13th, 2006, 11:46 am

I am not allowed to inject hot sause into my PSGs chicken condon-bleu when he's not looking.

I am not allowed to convince my team leader he has to provide a stool sample to the TMC after returning from leave.

I am not allowed to take pictures of my team leader handing a cup of his own shit to the only decent looking female in the TMC.

A PRIC E-7 is not a real radio and it is wrong to send cherries to the PSGs office to get one.

I am not allowed to create a profile on the gay hot-or-not website for my team leader.

I am not allowed to email my team leaders rating on the gay hot-or-not website to his wife.

I am not allowed to superimpose the face of my team leader on the cover of Honcho magazine and leave a copy of it at the company CP.

I am not allowed to use the fiber optic periscope to look into the female shower tent.

I am not allowed to tape the button down on an air-horn and throw it into another squad's barracks while they're trying to sleep.

A crew served weapon is not considered "manned" if I zip-tie a GI Joe to the barrel.

BruteForce · Post by **BruteForce** » November 13th, 2006, 7:57 pm

..and a few from Aviation:

- I am not allowed to guide the UH-1H on top of (and land-on) a 500 pound cow to provide fresh steak to the flight crew!
- I am not allowed to mix JP4 AV-GAS with Coke to see if it tastes like "Jack and Coke"
- I am not allowed to wipe peanut butter on the end of the Vaginal-speculum and call it "the result of checking the wrong hole"!
- While in Basic Training, you are not allowed to say "My Dad outranks you Fucker and has SecDef connections!"

- While in AIT, you are not allowed to say "You are fine (to a female DI), and I'd like to have you sit on my face!

CloakAndDagger · Post by **CloakAndDagger** » November 14th, 2006, 1:09 am

A couple from the Intell side:

+ We are no longer allowed to disseminate an incredulous report about a star trek-like T/AQ cloaking device, even if a 3-letter agency sent it to us first.

+ We are no longer allowed to compose and disseminate an INTREP that reports a missing singing hampster toy and "Send All", even if it's become the section's mascot.

+ When a Major gives a stunningly illogical counter-proposal to an assessment, staring dumbfounded with a What-The-Fuck!?!-expression is neither appropriate nor effective, as said Major will be too dense to get the hint. Neither is actually verbalizing "What the fuck!?!" as it only angers said Major.

Gordo173 · Post by **Gordo173** » November 14th, 2006, 5:06 am

I will not, while briefing an OPORD during an EXEVAL, use the coddewords 'LOVE, PEACE and HAPPINESS' for phaselines or 'NIRVANA' for the objective, especially when said brief is attended by my boss(s), Red Devil6, Devil6 and All American6.

Furthermore, I will not respond, when asked by All American6 why I chose those words, that I thought 'SWORD, BAYONET and AXE' (the current at that time Division favorites) "seemed kind of gay!"

I will not make howling noises in the middle of the night of a full moon within hearing range of the local national guards, especially after telling them that I thought there might be werewolves in the area earlier that evening! (Haj is deathly afraid of werewolves!

)