The New Normal

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Ollicron
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Joined: December 2nd, 2020, 12:42 am

The New Normal

Post by Ollicron »

It feels like I'm a newborn child, adopting to a new lifestyle of living to enjoy the suffering. Yesterday marks my 9th day embracing this lifestyle, and has by far been the best hell I've been through. And everyday is going to be harder, but it's all in an effort to become and live as a Ranger does. I figured I'd come and make a mini journal that I can come back to share my thoughts, get some feedback, and suggestions. Not something I'd do everyday just occasionally.

1. I come home from work and cram 12 fig bars into my breakfast with a protein shake and an egg, figured I'll burn the 1050 calories later anyway. After a whole night dealing with a runny nose and coughing I've been having. Somehow I still managed to test negative for COVID. Doesn't stop me from wearing a just a t shirt in 38 degree weather outside and my house like a refrigerator at 57 F.

2. I go to bed at 9am and wake up at 2pm with a shit ton of mucus clogging my airways, I put on a sweater and then take it off saying "This is the new normal now...", cook dinner while struggling with my sickness, and go back to sleep because I need the rest to absorb the knowledge in my attempt to get the CCIE, a final tier certification for Network Engineers. Previously I struggled with the CCNA, I quit trying to get it long ago because I gave up, the first of the tier (CCNP being the second), but Cisco, its creators changed the rules recently for requirements, and I want to test my new mentality against it. To me it's not about keeping my job at ABC News, I don't care about my colleagues or my boss or my job, it's about taking everyone's soul, including my former self.

3. I wake up later coughing and still with an aggressive runny nose, more mucus in my airways, at this point I have two options: take the night off from my workout to become a Ranger, or put up a fight and continue to suffer. I decide, still with just a t-shirt to strap on my heart rate monitor, pack my backpack with a water bottle and 2.5lb weight and go at it. My goal is to go for a run to the deli 1 mile away and come back home to kickbox and do HIIT. My goal tonight set higher than normal at 1600 calories to burn, "I've done it before I can do it again," I say. I go outside and notice it feels warmer than the day before went from 40F to 48F, except I don't shiver, something that never happened before. And just start running.

4. As I run my head is just fixated on recurring phrases: "DON'T QUIT, STAY HARD AT ALL TIMES! SAVAGERY!" like a possessed demon I end up going beyond my limit of 1 mile to 1.5 miles, and unlike my earlier days I clear the run and reach Hyman Park on Bronx Blvd. This time without stopping; eventually the coughing stopped and so did the runny nose. Thoughts of Rangers and what it means to be one, the things I'm doing to achieve my dream of becoming one came into my head; and acknowledging that this is the "New Normal" now, hellbent on the pervasive thought of suffering for a living and really finding meaning behind it. I want to earn that sword and three lightning bolts and for every action to lead to what makes up the Ranger in mental and physical form. And as I got to Hyman Park all I said was "Holy shit did I just do that?"

5. I run back home same hellbent fashion, not stopping, something that I wasn't able to do before, same thoughts of becoming a Ranger, earning the sword and three lightning bolts; becoming a killer and killing terrorists, while a phrase in my head on repeat saying "DON'T QUIT, STAY HARD, SAVAGERY!" I go up to my apartment and begin doing my HIIT and kickboxing. I include a series of push ups at 5 reps roughly ten sets (and yes I use full range of motion, hands just below chest, and scapular protraction), dumbbell lifting, calisthenics, all that good stuff.

Except as I pass the 1600 calorie burn mark I recall BlueLiner's post "Smoke yourself and elevate your feet. Do 25 push-ups +1 for the Airborne Ranger In The Sky for every letter in your name." So I go ahead and do 22 push ups, the point where I'm feeling the stress of my limit, and pain is omnipresent on my shoulders and hip flexors. And like that the phrase kicks back into my head "DON'T QUIT, STAY HARD AT ALL TIMES, SAVAGERY!" and I end up doing three more while screaming at the top of my lungs from the agony, and on the last I scream out the phrase "PLUS ONE FOR THE RANGER IN THE SKY!" My admiration for the fallen has always been there, I look at them with honor, for in my eyes they have given their lives to give me the chance in life to be who they are, I wanted that fucking push up to count. This one's going to stay in my routine. And after that moment of agony, all I say to myself "Holy shit, did I just fucking do that?"

6. I go and practice my first homework to the Method. I figured why not prepare, I always love to prepare as much as possible for a task, and figured it's time to endure the suffering that comes with the Method. I no longer fear the work I have to do, and embrace all forms of suffering. As part of the first assignment, you have to take a freezing cold water shower for 30 seconds. I set my assignment for 1 minute. And it's something I've always feared doing, I always desired that comfort of warm water. Just before crossing the line, I just think of what it means to be a Ranger. I pickup my mind and like jumping off a cliff, just say "for the Rangers...", I cry out in agony from the freezing cold water, but my mind repeats the phrase again: "DON'T QUIT, STAY HARD AT ALL TIMES, SAVAGERY!" It feels like fire burning on my skin, and after maybe a half minute passes by I no longer want to leave it. I end up staying for 3 minutes embracing this feeling, enjoying it, and acknowledging my mind and body getting used to it. And after turning the shower off I say "Holy shit, did I just fucking do that?"

That's all I got for what yesterday was like, but it just feels different, to be the only, around me. I love it. I love finding meaning in this suffering, and all I'm praying for is that I don't lose it, "The New Normal". I'm thinking of trying out GoRuck, it looks like just the kind of torture I'm looking for. The next cookie to bake for the cookie jar.
Last edited by Ollicron on December 16th, 2020, 1:13 am, edited 1 time in total.
Ollicron
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Joined: December 2nd, 2020, 12:42 am

Re: The New Normal

Post by Ollicron »

Having researched in better detail more and more about the Army and the MOS of the Ranger, I realize how wrong I was in terms of pretty much everything. After doing a lot of reading and hearing tales of Rangers and Army veterans that already did their time I understand now the differences of each role. It's silly, but it happens when you don't know the questions to ask; which is why I admittedly and mistakenly thought Green Berets and 75th Ranger Regiment were the same MOS. For any Ranger reading this, I sincerely apologize.

Despite this, my objective still stands with the 75th Ranger Regiment being exactly the kind of MOS and lifestyle I want to undergo; direct no bullshit assault onto the enemy, guns blazing with the team on hand, smashing the fucking enemy to oblivion with tactical aggression, and watching our enemies die to every bullet my team and I fire. Fearless, and ready to lead the way.

Personally I'm extremely anti-social, my personality isn't exactly normal. My contacts list only has two people in it, and I don't even indulge on partying (I never drank or smoked), or gatherings of any kind, in fact I hate going to BBQs and taking break days. People find it hard to crack me at an emotional level, though that's mostly because I'm emotionally unintelligent and only feel something when I'm suffering (I find happiness in it). I remember I had random people insult me, I let them have their best shot at me, I've had people tell me not to talk to them, people tell me not to look at them, and no matter what people said or the way I reacted, nothing cracked me. I've come to accept that the negativity people portray on others is simply a statement of who they are internally, not who you are, and the such negativity is simply the internal desire for change. It's the reason my circle has two people in it, nobody needs negative people in their lives anyway (and I'll tell you NYC is practically crammed with emotionally unstable people, which is why it's illegal to carry any self defense weapon as the criminal is allowed to have one).

Why do I mention this? Well it's because I also learned about the differences between being an enlisted soldier or and officer. My decision making process has strictly become based on objectivity, I figured that since I have a bachelors in EE, maybe I could be an officer. Problem is I don't want to be chained and crammed into a desk my entire time in the Army. Being crammed to a desk hurt my development in my earlier years, and the worst thing I could do is go back to that. I mean I started going bald from that shit, the stress of not fully living, really took a lot out of me in the college life (thankfully I found the proper way of regrowing it back naturally having taken my health more seriously). I'll talk to a recruiter and research more before making my decision final, but it's likely I'll go enlisted to avoid being shoved into a desk and a computer again.

That being said life hasn't gotten easier, and I like that, it's changing, but not in a bad way. As temperatures get lower my focus has changed from CCIE studying, to the bigger enemy in front of me: the fucking cold. The cold weather is an aggressive teacher, and my aim is to tackle it head on with the Method. So far it's shown some results, I'm able to walk outside at 32 degrees Fahrenheit (0 C) with awkward breathing technique in just a t-shirt. I don't shiver anymore like how I used to when the temperatures were 40 F, my hands still get really numb to the touch when I'm outside, and then somehow they come back to life sometimes, it's a little weird and often times causes me to worry. Also, with my minor would-be cold out of the way it's gotten a little easier to embrace colder temperatures now to that the runny nose is no more. I'm absolutely hellbent and obsessed in getting this right, I want this shit to pay off.

Training physically to fulfill the requirements to be able to enter the Army, means I need to be below, 174lbs (68" height, 26 yo). While I've lost enough weight down to 170, I feel dangerously close to coming over the limit. It sucks because I wanted to use fitness guide to prepare for the level of fitness the 75th Ranger Regiment requires, which would have me cranking up to beast mode level muscle mass, begs the question if I can put on 4 lbs of muscle mass with all the shit I'll be doing to prepare (maybe if I bribe the recruiter she'll/he'll let it slide? Just kidding...or am I?). Also the ASVAB is there to show me how dumb I am for the mechanical section, I'll have to tackle that at a later time. though thankfully being in the big city means the opportunity is always there.

I got myself some practice, survival kits. The power tower I ordered finally came I built it the same night it came and did so many pull ups I didn't know I could do. It was awesome but took a major bloody toll on my hands, doesn't matter I love using it everyday. In order to be able to fully utilize plans I've also had to change my schedule to fit my workouts after work and not before so I don't come late to work; lucky me, guess I don't have to be a night owl anymore. Through suffering there is growth, and there's only one thing that has meaning to me, to adapt to what it takes to lead the way and living by the never quit ethos.

Freshly Baked Cookie:
Today, the day is simple, repeat 4 times: 1/4 mile run at goal mile pace|1/4 mile jog/walk, repeat 8 times: 1/8th mile run fast |1/8th mile jog/walk. Instead of repeating the 8 times, I just kept jogging, and ended up running a whopping 5 miles non stop outside within an hour! I don't know what happened but I just wasn't satisfied with going two miles. I wanted more. On the 4th mile I had to take a shit. I kept going anyway. Shit when I got home, all I said was "Holy shit, did I just fucking do that?"

I also noted something odd, my resting heart rate, is unusually low, I should be fucking dead, 50 bpm, like wtf?
Last edited by Ollicron on December 16th, 2020, 1:15 am, edited 3 times in total.
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A2Fencer
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Re: The New Normal

Post by A2Fencer »

I ship out with my option 40 contract January 12th. After reading this, I'm gonna turn it up a couple notches in what I do day to day. I appreciate you sharing this. Keep working.
Ollicron
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Joined: December 2nd, 2020, 12:42 am

Re: The New Normal

Post by Ollicron »

I wrote a post that took me three hours to write and lost it to the session expiration, whatever, it doesn't matter. Essentially life has become 100% pure and sheer utter agonizing whatever the fuck you wanna call it. Add extra hell to the mix. Don't wanna get up? I do it. My body is paralyzed from the workout, one movement and something that's not a bone starts cracking? I get up anyway. Cold showers, a daily ritual of agony? I get in it. There's a lot more shit I do in effort to steel the mind harder, the day is not done until my body and mind are 100% fucked up.

I'm not the best by no means even near the level people here are, but that's no reason to give up, the only two things that matter to me are getting to the end and the next step I'll take. The warm up alone is 55 pull ups, 110 push ups, and 330 sit ups. It takes me an hour to complete but as these workouts get harder, I don't care whatever lengths I have to take to pull it all off. I will do half a pull up and count it as one anyway at the point where my arms are ringing just to give out that last bit of edge, doesn't bother me, nobody who starts something starts off professionally. It's all just failure upon failure, with microcosms of success in between. I value them, because they tell me I'm putting the fucking work in.

Everyone around me feels weak, everyone asks "Why?" I don't give them the luxury of the answer. They don't need to know it, and I don't care if they know what dreams are. The only thing that matters is I take the souls of all the negative people around me. I will go out of my way to do the craziest fucking shit people won't normally do just on the sheer hellbent goal of toughening the most powerful weapon in the planet, the mind. People look at me like I'm a fucking nutjob inside their warm cars, sometimes I get horns beeping at me while I'm running in the middle of the night at cold weather; maybe I'm a nutjob, so what, I just don't find anything to laugh at anymore. I remember at one point this one guy thought I was going to do something to him on a passenger seat as I was trying to get into a bike lane to run on, perhaps it was my new real face I wear, and I could notice the guy pulling out a gun. Everyone in this city, even the little Blood/Crip/Vice Lord gangsters are just operating on one thing, the only thing the people here know how to operate on: fear.

I can see it in everyone's eyes, everyone's afraid of something. And the old people I can just see them, they have pretty much accepted death, the last of the things they fear but wont acknowledge. I was going to show a video of a guy who practically kept slashing a guy at a train stop with a knife that happened last year, and people just walk by like nothing is happening; but decided not to you can always find it by searching up knife fight in nyc on YouTube if you want to see it. But in these videos you'll notice one thing in common: everyone acts like nobody exists, and if you try and be a hero, either two things can happen, you die, or you get hurt trying and when the cops come they get all the credit; not you. People will literally walk past your corpse and call you a sleeping hobo.

Self defense is not a right in this city, you can't hold a knife because it's a deadly weapon in public, you cant conceal carry because you need to have "valid reasons" for owning a firearm, 4 months, and 18 people saying you're not a crazy person on paper; and that's not even the city, that's just for the state. So at this point you have all the criminals owning a weapon, while all the innocent people get hurt. No way, I won't accept this living-in-fear shit. Self defense is a human right, a basic human right. Shit I remember I was 12 when I was mugged at gunpoint the back of a local Wendy's for three dollars in my pocket I was saving up for a Ratchet and Clank title for my PSP, by two pieces of shit slightly older than I was. Come 3 years later I spot on of my muggers in a crowded train getting off Freeman street on the 2 line. I'm not crazy I mean I've gone without seeing cops for my whole life here, the only thing to note is a no-left-turn ticket, I'll try and manage with some basic self defense, nothing major, but just enough to be able to save my life in case something happens until I get the hell out of here. This isn't even a political thing, don't confuse it as such, I'm not into politics nor do I have a political opinion, but as far as I can see, everyone in NYC may as well be a criminal at this point for something.

Everything no matter how minuscule it appears has to be, no matter how stupid it looks as I suffer, is simply about pushing myself to see how much of myself I'm willing to sacrifice. Everyone who said not to take life so seriously is immediately dead to me. Done deal. I admire the people who do take life seriously and acknowledge that you only get one chance to live. I figured if I'm gonna live I may as well die at every moment putting up a fight. I learned of some of the heroes in the 75th Ranger Regiment as well as those not in the Army and more, just people who would go through hell. I realize it's just what living is.
Ollicron
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Joined: December 2nd, 2020, 12:42 am

Re: The New Normal

Post by Ollicron »

Today a coworker texted me ‘Nothing to report, by the way. Also, I hope you’re doing well dude, I miss our conversations dude, wtf, catch me up, holidays going good?’ I simply replied with ‘Better than good, but I feel I can do better. I don’t want to take a break.’ And that statement was an overtly bittersweet sentiment. It feels as if in comparison to what used to be when I set out on this path, I am but a different person.

I have effectively molded another fucking person in a short time. I somehow unconsciously put into practice everything my mentors teach their students to follow. I see the effects my old bad habits have when I slightly revert back into them, when I fail to apply my mentors’ decree they set on me. It gnaws at me, eating me through the course of the day. It eats me alive when I drive, that for just a moment that I could have experienced, that I acted like a fucking coward.

For the past 3 weeks the only person I have seen is my mom, a guy on the 7th floor of the ABC HQ, and Mona, the news reporter. I have gone to talk to her again at some points, and although she got to know the reason behind me meeting her, I almost can’t believe I’m saying this, but I look at her differently now. I mean when I talked more seriously with her, she eventually revealed to me that she was in a relationship, and my dumbass, choosing comfort as an exit because I wasn’t used to the violent force I’m turning into now, played it off like she was too old for me, despite only being three years older than me. I met up with her again, spoke some more, just to see if I felt anything, something different, or, anything. I didn't. The thing is I barely felt anything, I didn’t feel like my heart was falling out of my chest, but instead that innate emptiness when I talk to others. The very person who became the spark to ignite the flame, is nothing more to me than a metallic figurehead bust now, which is what I wanted, nobody living in my fucking head. Perfect.

I avoid talking to others. Not out of fear, hate, or anger. But because I no longer want any drama. And those I do open up to, only listen, one in particular, who I admitted this to simply noted that despite his age being older than I was, to him I just had an endless quantity of reality for him to take in. But I didn’t want the admiration. All I want is a human being.

Everyday I’m fighting with a demon inside. It is a constant omnipresent voice that I keep wanting to listen to, the sinister side of the duality we all have inside. In cartoons they’re represented as the angel and the devil on our shoulders, but this one is just the devil. And all I could do is succumb and give in to the suffering he brings. And it’s fucking odd, that the more adrenaline this fucking evil brings about, the more of a rush I feel, the more right everything is. It is a constant stream of oddity, I can tell you, it’s an unfamiliar sensation of relaxation into the unknown.

One of my mentors, David Goggins, calls these moments the “What ifs” in life. The name of the game simply becomes truth or dare. And the demon inside, festering the truths and the dares about you is constantly there. Take your pick, and it points one out at me like a golden ticket. In fact, at the moment of writing this, I have about 5 hours to complete my next ticket. My next “What if”. I simply cannot and I mean CANNOT, fucking leave a “What if” to grow, it will fucking haunt the ever living fucking deep shit out of me and I swear it literally EATS my insides. So I have to pick dare every single time, before I pick truth.

And the reality of the things my mentors are saying, the events unfolding, all becoming true before my very eyes, it’s crazy one of them predicted accurately with precise details on December 5th 2019, everything that has happened in this entire month, the entire year. And this guy is a fucking saint, world class lord of the hippies, doesnt even cook vegetables, or eat meat. I call him Oracle. But among that my mentors...are all correct. I never doubted them, but as I continue to apply the standard they set for me, I am really seeing how the universe really does have a connection to all of us in some form. A force, leading the way through a constant unstoppable feeling of being awakened, to which Oracle refers to as the 5th Dimension, Age of Acquarius.

I’m not by any means into this kind of shit, astral readings, study of energy, zodiac shit; for all intents and purposes, despite it all sounding crazy, the guru is by no means, a batshit crazy looney on drugs.

I remember I was sitting with my parents on Christmas Eve, and all the conversations I hated and the very reasons I avoid talking to people came about. On the television, my mom had it specifically set to the fucking spanish news to remind herself that the world is ending. And on the table my dad non stop talking about politics, and about why I should be afraid. I dislike talking to people because at some point someone who lives in negativity will pour that fucking shit onto you, and claw their fucking way with their nails into your head telling you what to do and not to do.

For example my mom brought up my EVAtac knife which I’ve come to love carrying around. I remember when I first held it for the first time in my life I felt a sense of power in the palm of my hand, like this is fucking awesome. I have also been practicing tactical maneuvers with I’ve been following from Tu Lam, a former Green Beret, now proud founder of RONIN tactics, and actual knife combat from HowToFight. A lot of people don’t know about knife fights, but the first rule is to avoid getting into them, and the second is that your mentality should be that you are going to get cut flesh open should such an altercation arise. That doesn’t stop me from carrying a knife, safety should be in your hands not your killer's. I’ve even taken lessons on medical stitching on my downtime to help the case.

Anway my mom brings up my knife to the dinner table conversations. And my dad and mom immediately freak the fuck out telling me about my crazy cousin’s ex husband who got caught with a gun in Massachusetts for being stupid with it. And my dad comes up at one point showing me some shitty fold knife as a replacement with a blade that’s like the length of my pinky pretending like that’s going to save my life; and telling me that if I get arrested he won’t go to see me in jail, just to discourage me from doing what I do. A narcissist always finds a way to manipulate you, like my dad I was and used to be a master manipulator. Overprotection comes with a price that led me into a downward spiral of depression, because all I was doing after putting up with the constant raid of manipulation for 20 years I was afraid to live, simply because of the fear that this man put into my head, and the comfort my mother gave. Don’t do this, don’t do that. Don’t go out for your run late at night because it’s dangerous at night. Don’t cook because we have dinner prepared for you. Don’t go to a concert because it’s dangerous. I wanted to leave the fucking table there, and just go back to my apartment. I left 30 minutes after reposing my food and letting the chatterbox non stop talk about politics and the stupid stimulus check, and how the world is ending with the virus. Then I went to my apartment and worked out, same as I do everyday, until I am sore and my body and mind are broken.

You cannot allow other people’s words, actions, lifestyle, movies, video games, don’t let any of that fucking toilet drama fake end of the world shit affect you. Because the people in them will staunch your progress, the people will destroy the progress that you are making in growth. Only allow the right people in, and let those people be your mentors; shut all the fucking noise out and apply the teachings of your mentors.

On the 26th I decided to eliminate a what if, I had claimed the free offer from Epic Games for a title called Alien: Isolation, and I loved this video game because its core is centered on challenging the player’s fears and ability to take daring challenges. I said why not reward myself for the hard work I put in so far, plus I worked on Christmas Eve and day, a moment of rest won’t kill me, I’ll pay the double tax load (which I did) the next day. The premise is simple, the ugly shit from the Alien movie franchise: survive being in a giant spaceship with him. I decided to beat the whole game in a 16-20 hour window, one shot, so I didn’t have to think about it anymore and I remember I hesitated out of fear on multiple occasions in the beginning because I put the game on hard mode, so the alien was unnaturally more aggressive, it would come out more and more so fear would set in, and a lot of the times he wouldn’t even hop back into the vents, he would just walk around you and you’d have to get up close to it to be able to sneak around it. Despite getting my ribcage virtually and violently impaled and ripped through by this monster on the fifty times I died, after beating it I noticed that I learned more about how daring I actually am, and after knowing it but applying it, that courage is really just taking action in the presence of fear. The main character, Ripley, is astoundingly courageous, daring, and most importantly, a reflection of the kind of person I want to become: energetically daring, even under the presence of fear. Not only that, at a point within the game she REFUSES to leave her comrades behind.

Then there was a new game being given away, some shit called Night in the Woods. And after three hours of playing this thing. It reminded me of my old self. I could see my old self in the main character. A little chickenshit directionless in life, and the typical tasteless hopeless empathetic mediocre garbage Millennials my age follow and give 5/5 stars to because they’re too emo. In a way playing the main character was already bringing me back to that state of mind I didn’t want to be in anymore, and this kind of mentality is the toxic drama bullshit you see in movies and turns grown fucking men into soft breakable boys in their adulthood. I uninstalled the shit and learned that like removing negative people, you must also remove negative things in life that bring you back to that. Be it movies, shows, whatever, anything with weak and sympathetic motifs that gives in to that mother inside us: eliminate it. We don’t need it.

I began taking up more books having completed the only one I’ve ever read from start to finish, being Cant Hurt Me, by David Goggins. I’ve picked up more books about war and leadership, my latest one being Violence of Action: Untold Stories of the 75th Ranger Regiment. And the way these men tell their stories, it’s as if to me I am there with them. Seeing every moment unfold, and above all gaining an understanding of what their life is like. I didn’t know about Jessica Lynch. Two particular Rangers who have gotten to me are Ranger Chris Bemiss (1/75) and Ranger Roy Matthews (3/75). Bemiss’ story was tailored to the concept of never leaving a fallen comrade to fall into the hands of the enemy. The sadness, the suffering, I felt it in minute quantities, for the first time I FELT SOMETHING, and in the end of his story, what stuck out to me was SPC Lori Piestewa, ‘They say the Hopi Indians in Arizona believe that when it snows, it is their ancestors (loved ones) who have passed on, returning to tell them that they love them. The day Hopi Indian SPC Lori Piestewa’s body returned to Arizona... it snowed.’

I don’t know what about it, but I read that over and over again. Because just thinking about what Lori and the other seven Soldiers went through. What our enemies are capable of. For the second time in my life, I cried for someone I didn’t even know. Like a scar I will never forget Bemiss’ account.

Matthew’s story stuck out to me because he practically single handedly showed that there is power in action. Leading the fucking way is about taking action. Giving life to the part of the creed that says “Energetically will I meet the enemies of my country.” I won’t get into the details of his story, if you want to read it get the book and put the work in.

And there are many more stories from not just this book but other ones and the mentors I’ve chosen to guide me. Teaching me the art of leadership, and taking action. The only thing left to do is to apply. Everyday, just finding a way to apply, that’s enough for me. I find eliminating all my “What ifs” as a form of meditation. I also love listening to a cadence called Fired Up where the Rangers let out war cries of excitement in the middle, it’s such a good feeling to let one out I recommend people try it, it really amps you up when you feel a little low.

I want to go to war with myself. I want to train and really go to war with myself everyday. Not thinking, not talking, only fucking taking action, doing. David said that you will not find peace in comfort, and he’s fucking right on the money on it.

I oftentimes watch ghost hunting videos, I am a firm believer in the paranormal, I’ve seen things from voodoo spirits making a hunter vomit black vomit, evil spirits dragging a hunter on the floor, in the middle east I watched as a man experienced pieces of paper on the floors of an abandoned stone complex spontaneously combust into flames, a hunter started a seance with a Ouija Board and started having an aggressive nosebleed from it. Shit you cannot fake just due to the sheer timing and nature of the channels that upload these videos. And I have learned one thing about the afterlife: demons are the next fucking enemy, and all the spirits who are able to reach out to these hunters are crying for help. I’ve always stuck with the notion of the two extremities in religion, heaven and hell. I always say well, you know what? If heaven is where everyone just sits on their ass sleeping all day covered in flowers and fluffy clouds, then that’s not where I want to be, just make me an angel and I’ll purge all the demons. I’d willingly put the existence of my soul to purge these fucking things from tormenting the innocent, simply because there is a peace in battle. So far I’m liking the idea of Valhalla more than I do Heaven and Hell. To lead the way on its own is a fucking dare. So dare, and take up the sword that is all you have to do. Leap of faith into it and dare.
Ollicron
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Re: The New Normal

Post by Ollicron »

Death is always part of the process. Dying, or the act of dying, is when you really begin to dive deeper into the meaning of what it means to live. In that regard, failure is an act of dying. Why? Because failure is where your soul is literally being placed in spikes filled with poison, and where your heart is saying “Not today”. Eventually you are faced with the choice to let your soul die, or to continue putting the most powerful weapon in the world, through those spikes.

The real reason that warriors continue to tread through war, is because there is a certain beauty we don’t want to see perish at the hands of evil. Beauty.

When we look at paintings and color, and hear sweet sounds. The pictures, memories, sounds, taste, all of the good things in this world, we are invoked with a sense of something great within ourselves. And that is beauty.

Ah, but what makes the warrior special? When others can also experience the same pleasantries? It is that we can handle the truth underneath it all. And that, my dear reader, is what makes everything beautiful. When you begin to finally experience beauty, you experience truth; raw and unfiltered, like a rush river of gold. The problem is, that people today have not a taste of it.

Everyone wants the truth, but nobody can handle it.

And the reason they cannot handle it is because it makes everyone afraid, and fearful of what it means to live and be alive.

Truth is beauty.

I take pride in telling it, living by it, swearing by it. Why? Because it is what makes the fearful man climb out from the darkness and really begin to truly feel pain. The level of sacrifice it takes to be free, solely and ultimately depends on how deep you are in telling and living by the truth. The more truthful you are to yourself and others, the more human and more honest people you will attract, even if those people are composed of only yourself.

In the few days after New Years I have in essence begun to adapt to the application of this mentality. And I got fired from my job for it. I got fired for acting, and living the truth. I did it so well that everyone who came into my vicinity felt it, and it bothered them because they were unfamiliar to what it means to be a real human being.

One of my favorite hobbies is to study the art of seduction. Of the particular seducers I study from, the only ones I follow are the men who only live by telling the truth and being honest. And going this route not only happens to be the most difficult approach but also the approach with the most risk, failure, and dare involved.

I stumbled into this book called Mode One, the approach where you are unequivocally, unfiltered with your intentions towards a woman you find attractive. What is it that you want from her, tell her honestly and as a first thing to say, and be genuinely unwavering about it.

After reading the book, I recognized three things. The first is that to be free you must dominate the space you occupy, be it mentally or externally, and if anyone else does then you do not deserve it. The second is that men and women today are not led, but instead bred to manipulate one another, and the concept of trust is interwoven by webs of lies. The third is that in order to truly experience what it means to live truthfully, you must be prepared for the consequences of experiencing beauty.

That last part is what cost me my job. When I approached this beautiful woman, all I simply asked in a non aggressive manner is if we could get to know each other, and acknowledging to her we could’ve danced under the sheets together. Confidently, and unapologetic. Never apologize for being truthful. Mind you I was socially distanced, and no touching of any kind was involved.

She said no, and I never saw her again. Failure. It is okay, but that began the first moment into my ascension into the world of a masculine man. I recognized that the approach was failing me, so I switched into another style developed by Zan Perrion, where you master truth in the manner of no longer speaking, but through the eyes of another human being.

I single handedly managed to make an entire floor of people, uncomfortable, simply by laying on a couch in a lounge area in a relaxed, confident position while doing my work. As people walked by I was the center of attention in silence, at one point a man walked to the opening of a doorway, took one look at me in the eyes, and felt the confidence I had over him.

It is interesting how your body language and eyes can communicate with others and you have to say nothing at all. I see a beautiful woman, I smile and wink, no longer do I go where I’m not invited. I came across a guy who pressed the elevator button but failed to get onto the elevator because of the way I spoke to him as I was leaning against a wall.

That woman I approached and failed with, from simply looking into her eyes and finally hearing her, I could tell her past present and future. How she was raised, that she had a mother and father, and how she will eventually find a man, or that if she has one, she will be divorced.

See, I mentioned earlier that truth is beauty. And there is a reason I say this.

The reason I study Zan Perrion, and the creator of Mode One is for a multitude of reasons, that stemmed out from what the Manosphere dictates to be the Beta Male tendencies. The Beta Male is built from one thing and one thing only, lies.

Whereas the Alpha Male is built from truth and nothing but the truth. People at ABC News where I worked at are constantly hiding from each other, due to fear. And it is that same fear that led to a report against me for “sexual harassment” that led to me losing my job. Granted, mind you, that in NYS legal terms, what I did somehow constitutes harassment in the CoC of New York State, and all I did was ask a question to this woman one time and sit on a couch to do my work. I had forgotten freedom of speech doesn’t exactly exist in NYC. As opposed to simply approaching me and asking me who I was, the action was simply to eliminate me from sight. Out of sight, out of mind, by any means necessary.

I was a lone wolf, sitting among dogs. And everyone felt this, and everyone knew this. But the thing about dogs, my dear reader, is that dogs have masters, and are fed from their hands, while wolves, have to hunt for their prey, especially lone ones.

Now please, allow me to explain to you the dynamics of the interaction between a man and a woman, and what it has boiled down to.

It is common culture and advocated, even promoted to lie to who you fall in love with. It all begins with the very same line, the safety net if you will, that begins the downward spiral to divorce and unhealthy relationships: “Would you like to grab a cup of coffee together?”

The problem therein lies that dynamically and unconsciously you’ve decided to allow each other to conceal your true intentions with one another, and you’ve accepted that you are willing to hide things from one another through manipulation. Manipulation, simply put is a form of lying. So as the story progresses you allow each other to manipulate one another unconsciously, eventually the more you manipulate, the more she does too. You become willing to hide things from one another to protect your appearances. Eventually you both grow in that relationship where you both began with hiding what you really wanted to tell each other, and it becomes divorce, or a single parent, or something worse.

Let’s be honest here, you did not approach this beautiful woman, caring about what her family is like, what her job is, or who she is. Do not lie to yourself, do not lie to others, and do not hide from the truth. As a man you want to experience her beauty in its fullest and passionately driven dancing under the bed sheets with this woman. Learning the rest, simply can come afterwards. It is in our blood, our DNA to want this, do not deny it, it is only natural and only makes you human, and you are not against God or any form of holy entity for wanting this, if anything we were made this way.

You cannot tell someone you love them and manipulate them, even if it is a comrade you are going to fight battles with; it simply does not work that way. Always remember it is better to be respected than to be liked.

This post isn’t about how I lost my job or seduction or anything of that nature. This is about putting up a fight to never quit and never surrender and giving some light on how to do it.

Break the social norms, the cages society has developed for you, and you will see a beautiful world. You will experience great failure I guarantee it. And it begins by telling the truth and acting on it.

Zan Perrion mentioned something in one of his talks, and it’s that inside of us lies this little boy, this sweet and innocent child. And I’ll give you a short synopsis, essentially that the sweet child we used to be, would do all the things he wanted to, because he was truly alive. He would dare to do things, things you wouldn’t do now. And because of other kids and parents and being raised in a bad childhood, that boy will eventually cower in fear of his greatest potential.

For me, for example, that kid was bullied by his babysitters and the other kids around him. All he wanted to do was play with them and gain their trust, because he was the only child when he got home and his mom and dad were tired. In order to avoid getting whipped violently or having his head slammed on a car hood in front of a YMCA, he needed to be a good boy. And a good boy he became, everyone mentioned it, and it became good boy points. In order to remain the good boy, he needed to become everyone’s friend so he wouldn’t have to fight them, he needed to lie and hide in order to protect himself from harm. People began to build houses inside my mind, telling me I can’t do this otherwise they would never like me again.

Eventually it grew up into “I will not get a girlfriend in college even though she is so hot and I want her so badly because I want to wait until I get a job and have my own place, because otherwise she would not approve of me, and neither will my family or coworkers.” And I literally told that lie to people. And it hurt a lot. I would say things like “I don’t have time”, “I don’t want her”, I’d get confrontational at my mom’s attempts to sway a lovely cashier to me. It even led to me taking the easy way out of things and paying $25000 for someone who didn’t exist on the internet, and I got nothing. It led to everything in my life to become this way.

And realistically, you have to go back to that innocent child, and you have to forgive him. You have to forgive him. There were so many elements that fucked that little kid up. And nobody has an easy childhood, nobody, no matter how rich or poor, no childhood is easy. That little boy did absolutely nothing wrong, and everyone else slashed his calves for being his absolute best. Forgive that boy. And learn to become what he was once more. And you will live free I guarantee it. I never truly understood the importance of Goggins’ mentioning of this in his talks, but when I finally examined it in detail, I finally understood.

In living in truth you grow fearless. I’ve seen it, you begin to do the things you thought you couldn’t. That boy becomes the master of his world. And it is because he is willing to put sacrifice to a new level and ascend beyond where others cannot. He becomes willing to put life at risk in order to dance with death.

Losing my job was perhaps the best thing that happened to me. I am already becoming better than all of my coworkers combined, no, scratch that, I as a result of everything became better than the rest. Not settling for less. It's just the psychology of savagery.

Be a savage. Never surrender, never give up, never live in lies. Lead the way.
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