Tombstone Epitaphs

[289sotherhalf]

Sir John Strange; Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.
-- Tombstone in England

I was somebody. Who, is no business Of yours.
-- Vermont

As the flowers are all made sweeter by the sunshine and the dew, So this old world is made brighter by the lives Of folks like you.
-- Bonnie Parker (Bonnie and Clyde)

Here lies Lester Moore; Four slugs from a .44; No Les No More.
-- Tombstone Arizona

John Brown is filling his last cavity.
-- Dentist's Tombstone

I told you that I was sick!
-- Georgia Cemetary, USA

Here lies the body of Jonathan Blake; Stepped on the gas instead of the brake.
-- Pennsylvania Tombstone, USA

Remember man, as you walk by, As you are now, so once was I, As I am now, so shall you be, Remember this and follow me.
-- Tombstone in England

To follow you I'll not consent, Until I know which way you went.
-- Written on the tombstone in reply to one above

The children of Israel wanted bread, And the Lord sent them manna, Old clerk Wallace wanted a wife, And the Devil sent him Anna.
-- England Tombstone

Goembel John E. 1867-1946 “The defense rests”
-- On an attorney’s tombstone

Under the sod and under the trees, Lies the body of Jonathan Pease. He is not here, there's only the pod; Pease shelled out and went to God.
-- Massachusetts Tombstone

Gone away, Owin' more than he could pay.
-- England

Alien tears will fill for him; Pity's long-broken ern. For his mourners will be outcast men, And outcasts always mourn.
-- Oscar Wilde's Tombstone

Here lies a man named Zeke. Second fastest draw in Cripple Creek.

She was not smart, she was not fair, But hearts with grief for her are swellin’; All empty stands her little chair: She died of eatin’ water-mellon.

Here lies an athiest, John Doe. All dressed up and no place to go!

Here lies the body of John Round. Lost at sea and never found.

Here lies Barnard Lightfoot who was accidentally killed in the 45th year of his age. This monument was erected by his grateful family.

***ETA***I should have clarified...Tombstone Epitaphs

[That Guy]

Doc Holliday: "I'm your huckleberry..."

Johnny Ringo: "You retired too?"
Doc Holliday: "Not me. I'm in my prime."

Johnny Ringo: "My fight's not with you, Holliday."
Doc Holliday: "I beg to differ, sir. We started a game we never got to finish. "Play for Blood," remember?"
Johnny Ringo: "Oh that. I was just foolin' about."
Doc Holliday: "I wasn't."

[rgrwest]

Doc Holliday: "I'm your huckleberry..."

Johnny Ringo: "You retired too?"
Doc Holliday: "Not me. I'm in my prime."

Johnny Ringo: "My fight's not with you, Holliday."
Doc Holliday: "I beg to differ, sir. We started a game we never got to finish. "Play for Blood," remember?"
Johnny Ringo: "Oh that. I was just foolin' about."
Doc Holliday: "I wasn't."

Thought the same thing when I read the title!

"You tell em I am coming....and hell's coming with me!" Wyatt Earp

[289sotherhalf]

I love that movie!...I should have clarified, .

[RangerX]

I got two guns here, one for each of ya'

Well I'll be damned
You may indeed, if you get lucky.

[RangerBob275]

Curly Bill: [takes a bill with Wyatt's signature from a customer and throws it on the faro table] Wyatt Earp, huh? I heard of you.
Ike Clanton: Listen, Mr. Kansas Law Dog. Law don't go around here. Savvy?
Wyatt Earp: I'm retired.
Curly Bill: Good. That's real good.
Ike Clanton: Yeah, that's good, Mr. Law Dog, 'cause law don't go around here.
Wyatt Earp: I heard you the first time.
[flips a card]
Wyatt Earp: Winner to the King, five hundred dollars.
Curly Bill: Shut up, Ike.
Johnny Ringo: [Ringo steps up to Doc] And you must be Doc Holliday.
Doc Holliday: That's the rumor.
Johnny Ringo: You retired too?
Doc Holliday: Not me. I'm in my prime.
Johnny Ringo: Yeah, you look it.
Doc Holliday: And you must be Ringo. Look, darling, Johnny Ringo. The deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darling? Should I hate him?
Kate: You don't even know him.
Doc Holliday: Yes, but there's just something about him. Something around the eyes, I don't know, reminds me of... me. No. I'm sure of it, I hate him.
Wyatt Earp: [to Ringo] He's drunk.
Doc Holliday: In vino veritas.
["In wine is truth" meaning: "When I'm drinking, I speak my mind"]
Johnny Ringo: Age quod agis.
["Do what you do" meaning: "Do what you do best"]
Doc Holliday: Credat Judaeus apella, non ego.
["The Jew Apella may believe it, not I" meaning: "I don't believe drinking is what I do best."]
Johnny Ringo: [pats his gun] Eventus stultorum magister.
["Events are the teachers of fools" meaning: "Fools have to learn by experience"]
Doc Holliday: [gives a Cheshire cat smile] In pace requiescat.
["Rest in peace" meaning: "It's your funeral!"]
Tombstone Marshal Fred White: Come on boys. We don't want any trouble in here. Not in any language.
Doc Holliday: Evidently Mr. Ringo's an educated man. Now I really hate him.

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Doc Holliday: You must be Ringo.
[to Big Nose Kate]
Doc Holliday: Look, darlin', it's Johnny Ringo. Deadliest pistoleer since Wild Bill, they say. What do you think, darlin', should I hate him?

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Wyatt Earp: [to Ike Clanton] You die first, get it? Your friends might get me in a rush, but not before I make your head into a canoe, you understand me?

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Wyatt Earp: I spent my whole life not knowing what I want out of it, just chasing my tail. Now for the first time I know exactly what I want and who... that's the damnable misery of it.

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Doc Holliday: Why Kate, you're not wearing a bustle. How lewd.

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Ike Clanton: What is that now? Twelve hands in a row? Holliday, son of a bitch, nobody's that lucky.
Doc Holliday: Why Ike, whatever do you mean? Maybe poker's just not your game Ike. I know! Let's have a spelling contest!

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Doc Holliday: What do you want Wyatt?
Wyatt Earp: Just to live a normal life.
Doc Holliday: There is no normal life, Wyatt, there's just life, ya live it.
Wyatt Earp: I don't know how.
Doc Holliday: Sure ya do, say goodbye to me, go grab that spirited actress and make her your own. Take that spirit from her and don't look back. Live every second, live right on through to the end. Live Wyatt, live for me. Wyatt, if you were ever my friend... if ya ever had even the slightest of feelin' for me, leave now, leave now... please.
Wyatt Earp: Thanks for always being there, Doc.

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Doc Holliday: It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds.


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Curly Bill: Hey Johnny, what did that Mexican mean by a sick horse is going to get us?
Johnny Ringo: He was quoting the Bible, Revelations. "Behold the pale horse". The man who "sat on him was Death... and Hell followed with him".

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Wyatt Earp: How are you?
Doc Holliday: I'm dying, how are you?

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Wyatt Earp: All right, Clanton... you called down the thunder, well now you've got it! You see that?
[pulls open his coat, revealing a badge]
Wyatt Earp: It says United States Marshal!
Ike Clanton: [terrified, pleading] Wyatt, please, I...
Wyatt Earp: [referring to Stilwell, laying dead] Take a good look at him, Ike... 'cause that's how you're gonna end up!
[shoves Ike down roughly with his boot]
Wyatt Earp: The Cowboys are finished, you understand? I see a red sash, I kill the man wearin' it!
[lets Ike up to run for his life]
Wyatt Earp: So run, you cur... RUN! Tell all the other curs the law's comin'!
[shouts]
Wyatt Earp: You tell 'em I'M coming... and hell's coming with me, you hear?...
[louder]
Wyatt Earp: Hell's coming with me!

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Sherman McMasters: Where is he?
Doc Holliday: Down by the creek, walking on water.

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Josephine: I'm a woman, I like men. If that means I'm not "lady-like", then I guess I'm just not a lady! At least I'm honest.
Wyatt Earp: You're different. No arguin' that. But you're a lady alright. I'd take my oath on it.

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Billy Clanton: [as Doc Holliday is drunkenly playing a somber piece on the saloon piano, Clanton speaks, just as drunkenly] Is that "Old Dog Trey? Sounds like "Old Dog Trey."
Doc Holliday: Pardon?
Billy Clanton: Stephen Foster. "Oh, Susannah", "Camptown Races". Stephen stinking Foster.
Doc Holliday: Ah, yes. Well, this happens to be a nocturne.
Billy Clanton: A which?
Doc Holliday: You know, Frederic fucking Chopin.

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Morgan Earp: Look at all the stars. You look up and you think, "God made all this and He remembered to make a little speck like me." It's kind of flattering, really.

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Billy Clanton: Why, it's the drunk piano player. You're so drunk, you can't hit nothin'. In fact, you're probably seeing double.
[Billy Clanton draws a knife]
Doc Holliday: [takes out a second gun] I have two guns, one for each of ya.

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Johnny Tyler: I swear, it's like I'm playin' cards with my brother's kids or somethin'. You nerve-wrackin' sons-a-bitches.

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Wyatt Earp: From now on I see a red sash, I kill the man wearing it. So run you cur. And tell the other curs the law is coming. You tell 'em I'm coming! And Hell's coming with me you hear! Hell's coming with me!

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Doc Holliday: [to Johnny Ringo] Why Johnny Ringo, you look like somebody just walked over your grave.

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Johnny Ringo: I want your blood. And I want your souls. And I want them both right now!

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[Wyatt Earp has just found out that the devil in a play was performed by a woman]
Wyatt Earp: Well, I'll be damned.
Doc Holliday: You may indeed, if you get lucky.

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Doc Holliday: Nonsense, I have not yet begun to defile myself.

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Doc Holliday: It's true, you are a good woman. Then again, you may be the antichrist.

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Wyatt Earp: What makes a man like Ringo, Doc? What makes him do the things he does?
Doc Holliday: A man like Ringo has got a great big hole, right in the middle of him. He can never kill enough, or steal enough, or inflict enough pain to ever fill it.
Wyatt Earp: What does he need?
Doc Holliday: Revenge.
Wyatt Earp: For what?
Doc Holliday: Bein' born.

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Wyatt Earp: You gonna do somethin'? Or are you just gonna stand there and bleed?

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Wyatt Earp: You skin that smoke wagon and we'll see what happens!
Johnny Tyler: Listen mister, I'm getting awful tired of your...
[Wyatt slaps him]
Wyatt Earp: Are you gonna do something? Or just stand there and bleed?

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Johnny Ringo: My fight's not with you, Holliday.
Doc Holliday: I beg to differ, sir. We started a game we never got to finish. "Play for Blood," remember?
Johnny Ringo: Oh that. I was just foolin' about.
Doc Holliday: I wasn't.

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Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Why you doin' this, Doc?
Doc Holliday: Because Wyatt Earp is my friend.
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Friend? Hell, I got lots of friends.
Doc Holliday: ...I don't.

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Doc Holliday: Make no mistake, it's not revenge he's after. It's a reckonin'.

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Sherman McMasters: [about Wyatt] If they were my brothers, I'd want revenge, too.
Doc Holliday: Oh, make no mistake. It's not revenge he's after. It's a reckoning.

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Frank Stillwell: [Stillwell and Ike are planning to ambush the Earps at the train station] That's Virgil there with the women.
Ike Clanton: He's mine, understand?
Frank Stillwell: [Cocking his rifle] Hey Mattie! Where's Wyatt?
Wyatt Earp: Right behind you, Stillwell.
[Shoots Stillwell as he turns around]

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Johnny Ringo: [Ringo has taken Holliday up on his offer to 'finish the game'] All right, 'lunger'. Let's do it.
Doc Holliday: Say when.

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Texas Jack: You ever seen somethin' like that before?
Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Hell, I never even heard of something like that.

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Doc Holliday: [to Johnny Ringo, after shooting him in a duel] You're no daisy! You're no daisy at all. Poor soul, you were just too high strung.

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Doc Holliday: [after killing Johnny Ringo] It would appear that the strain was more than he could bear.

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Wyatt Earp: I did my duty, now I'd like to get on with my life. I'm going to Tombstone.
Crawley Dake: Ah, I see. To strike it rich. Well, all right, that's fine. Tell you one thing, though... I never saw a rich man who didn't wind up with a guilty conscience.
Wyatt Earp: Already got a guilty conscience. Might as well have the money, too. Good day, now.

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Virgil Earp: What the hell kinda town is this?
Morgan Earp: Nice scenery.
Doc Holliday: Well, an enchanted moment.
Josephine Marcus: Interesting little scene. I wonder who that tall drink of water is.
Mr. Fabian: My dear, you've set your gaze upon the quintessential frontier type. Note the lean silhouette... eyes closed by the sun, though sharp as a hawk. He's got the look of both predator and prey.
Josephine Marcus: I want one.
Mr. Fabian: Happy hunting.

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[Morgan is fatally wounded in a gunfight]
Morgan Earp: Remember what I said about people seein' a bright light before they die? It ain't true. I can't see a damn thing.

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Wyatt Earp: Fight's commenced! Get to fightin' or get away!

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[while watching a play in which Faust sells his soul to the Devil]
Curly Bill: You know what I'd do? I'd take that deal 'n' crawfish, then drill that ol' Devil in the ass. What about you Juanito, what would you do?
Johnny Ringo: I already did it.

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Sheriff John Behan: We're growing. Be as big as San Francisco in a few years, and just as sophisticated.

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Doc Holliday: Very cosmopolitan.

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Wyatt Earp: I just want you to know it's over between us.
Curly Bill: Well... bye.
Johnny Ringo: Smell that, Bill? Smells like someone died.

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Wyatt Earp: [Tyler reaches for his gun] Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens...
Johnny Tyler: [pauses, scared] M-mister, I'm gettin' tired of your...
Wyatt Earp: [slaps Tyler across the face, unafraid] I'm gettin' tired of all your gas, now jerk that pistol and go to work!
Wyatt Earp: [slaps him harder, now completely steely-eyed] I said throw down, boy!

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Doc Holliday: Forgive me if I don't shake hands.

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Doc Holliday: Oh. Johnny, I apologize; I forgot you were there. You may go now.

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Doc Holliday: I stand corrected, Wyatt. You're an oak.

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Wyatt Earp: You could have been busted up back there, or killed.
Josephine Marcus: Fun, though, wasn't it?
Wyatt Earp: You'd die for fun?
Josephine Marcus: Wouldn't you?

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Turkey Creek Jack Johnson: Nobody move!
Doc Holliday: Nonsense. By all means, move.

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Doc Holliday: Weave a circle round him thrice, / And close your eyes with holy dread, / For he on honey-dew hath fed, / And drunk the milk of Paradise.

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Wyatt Earp: Sheriff Behan, have you met Doc Holliday?
Doc Holliday: Piss on you, Wyatt.

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Doc Holliday: Why Johnny Tyler! You madcap!
Johnny Tyler: Doc?
Doc Holliday: Where you goin' with that shotgun?

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Kate: I've been good to you, I've taken care of you. If you die, where does that leave me?
Doc Holliday: Without a meal ticket I suppose.
[Doc rides horse out of barn into stable area, Kate runs out after him punching him in anger]
Kate: You bastard!
Doc Holliday: Why Kate, have you no kind words for me as I ride away?
[pause]
Doc Holliday: I calculate not.
[rides off]

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Johnny Tyler: You run your mouth awful reckless for a man that don't go heeled.
Wyatt Earp: No need to go heeled to get the bulge on a tub like you.

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Curly Bill: [after a vicious gunfight with the Mexican police] Looks like we win.

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Doc Holliday: Sheriff, allow me to present a pair of fellow sophisticates. Turkey Creek Jack Johnson and Texas Jack Vermillion. Mind your ear, Creek.

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Johnny Ringo: [Ringo is trying to get McMasters to rejoin the Cowboys] So, there's nothin' I can say to get you to come back?
Sherman McMasters: Not after what you done. Not after shootin' at the Earp's women.
Johnny Ringo: All right then, I guess you can just get back on your horse and ride back down there to your new friends.
Ike Clanton: [placing a shotgun to McMaster's head] Hey. I just got one question; how're you planning on gettin' back down there?

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Frank McLaury: [a mortally wounded McLaury is taking aim at Doc] I've got you now... you son of a bitch!
Doc Holliday: [holds up arms] You're a daisy if you do!
[Morgan shoots McLaury]

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Doc Holliday: [taunting a card player who believes Holliday is cheating him] Why Ed does this mean we're not friends anymore? You know Ed, if I thought you weren't my friend... I just don't think I could bear it!

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Doc Holliday: And so she walked out of our lives forever.

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Wyatt Earp: In all that time workin' those cow towns, I was only ever mixed up in one shootin', just one! But a man lost his life and I took it! You don't know how that feels, and believe me boy, you don't ever want to know. Not ever!

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Henchman: [attempting to translate what the Mexican priest said] He talkin loco... crazy... somethin' about a sick horse comin' to get us.
Johnny Ringo: That's not what he said, you ignorant wretch. Your Spanish is worse than your English.

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Doc Holliday: Maybe poker's just not your game, Ike. I know: let's have a spelling contest.

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Ike Clanton: What's wrong with him?
[asking about Doc]
Milt Joyce (owner: Lunger.
Ike Clanton: Yeah, well I hope you die.
[speaking to Doc]