Tru-isms

[elle]

I don't understand the purpose of the line, "I don't need to drink to have fun." Great, no one does. But why start a fire with flint and sticks when they've invented the lighter?

The letters T and G are very close to each other on a keyboard. This recently became all too apparent to me and consequently I will never be ending a work email with the phrase "Regards" again.

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.

The only time I look forward to a red light is when I'm trying to finish a text.

A recent study has shown that playing beer pong contributes to the spread of mono and the flu. Yeah, if you suck at it.

LOL has gone from meaning, "laugh out loud" to "I have nothing else to say".

Whenever someone says "I'm not book smart, but I'm street smart", all I hear is "I'm not real smart, but I'm imaginary smart".

I would like to officially coin the phrase 'catching the swine flu' to be used as a way to make fun of a friend for hooking up with an overweight woman. example: "Dave caught the swine flu last night."

Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to happen.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.

Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don't want to have to restart my collection.

The best thing about sex is that part where I have it.

I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper (or Land Contract!) that I swear I did not make any changes to.

While watching the Olympics, I find myself cheering equally for China and USA. No, I am not of Chinese descent, but I am fairly certain that when Chinese athletes don't win, they are executed.

I like all of the music in my iTunes, except when it's on shuffle, then I like about one in every fifteen songs in my itunes.

Why is a school zone 15 mph? That seems like the optimal cruising speed for pedophiles...

I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, hitting the G-spot, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet my ass everyone can find and push the Snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time every time...

[panthersix]

yep, it's all true, except I can find a G-spot as easily as a snooze alarm button ;)

[DrD]

Thank you for the laugh, Elle!!! These are funny... and, oh so true!! :D

My favs:

There is a great need for sarcasm font.
I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die.
I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten page research paper (or Land Contract!) that I swear I did not make any changes to.

Shana

[psouper]

<<Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to happen.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.<<

Very funny!

[Jenny Lynn]

<<Eating dessert, skipping class, and having sex all have one thing in common. Once the idea crosses your mind it's almost impossible not to do it, and if someone else says it out loud, it's 100% going to happen.

You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren't doing anything productive for the rest of the day.<<

Very funny!

psouper,
right on, X'2 on that one :D Jenny

[Boudicca]

yep, it's all true, except I can find a G-spot as easily as a snooze alarm button ;)

Not that I would know, but...You just keeping telling yourself that.

[289sotherhalf]

Like them all, , but ...

Is it just me, or are 80% of the people in the "people you may know" feature on facebook people that I do know, but I deliberately choose not to be friends with?

There is a great need for sarcasm font.

Hehhehehehe, too funny...