30 Little-Known Facts About Chuck Norris...

Bohica · Post by **Bohica** » December 21st, 2005, 8:19 am

- I'm sure many of you have already seen this somewhere.

1.) Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

2.) Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

3.) Once a grizzly bear threatened to eat Chuck Norris. Chuck showed the bear his fist and the bear proceeded to eat himself, because it would be the less painful way to die.

4.) Chuck Norris once inhaled a seagull.

5.) Chuck Norris was the original inspiration for MacGyver, but producers felt his excessive use of his own semen for his contraptions was inapropriate for public television.

6.) Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

7.) The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

8.) If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

10.) Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

11.) It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

12.) To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Chuck Norris smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

13.) A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.

14.) Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting infers the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

15.) A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

16.) Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

17.) Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

18.) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.

19.) Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't fuck with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

20.) Heart disease may be the new leading cause of death in women age 45 to 65, but Chuck Norris is still the leading cause of death in men age 0 to 125.

21.) The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

22.) After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

23.) There is a little bit of Chuck Norris in each and every one of us. Mainly due to rape.

24.) Chuck Norris uses a live squirrel as a loofah in the shower, brushes his teeth with elderly men, and gargles with fire and loose gravel.

25.) Chuck Norris likes to knit sweaters in his free time. And by "knit" I mean kick, and by "sweaters" I mean babies.

26.) Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

27.) When God said, â€œLet there be lightâ€

Silverback · Post by **Silverback** » December 21st, 2005, 8:21 am

Bohica...

What a super funny post! You get 1 freebie compliments of the Ape for making me laugh!

The Holmchicken · Post by **The Holmchicken** » December 21st, 2005, 8:36 am

ANGRYCivilian · Post by **ANGRYCivilian** » December 21st, 2005, 9:13 am

:D :D :D

Ranger Bohica, that avatar kicks fucking ass!

Silverback · Post by **Silverback** » December 21st, 2005, 10:19 am

Two important things you forgot about our buddy chuck.

#31 Rumor has it that Chuck Norris was a Ranger with a CIB and a SPEC OPS Operator.

#32 The Vietnam War ended because we were about to send in TF-Chuck Norris.

Darksaga · Post by **Darksaga** » December 21st, 2005, 10:23 am

Joseph PrettyDeepWater · December 21st, 2005, 4:03 pm

~Joseph

Earthpig · Post by **Earthpig** » December 21st, 2005, 4:08 pm

"When the eyes of a Ranger are upon you...."

RLTW
EP

mikelogics · Post by **mikelogics** » December 21st, 2005, 7:43 pm

Laughed so hard I fell, and I can't get up!

Parabellum · Post by **Parabellum** » December 22nd, 2005, 1:43 pm

Chuck Norris is a faggot.

RGR_Dan · Post by **RGR_Dan** » December 22nd, 2005, 3:07 pm

Unknown wrote:Chuck Norris is a faggot.

Yeah, but he gets on TV with hot women everyday

Silverback · Post by **Silverback** » December 22nd, 2005, 6:02 pm

Unknown wrote:Chuck Norris is a faggot.

Think about "Law and Order" next time you wanna bad mouth the Sensei !

Livalitle · Post by **Livalitle** » December 22nd, 2005, 6:54 pm