Gross jokes

Creeping Death · Post by **Creeping Death** » June 4th, 2004, 12:52 pm

And another set of 50 each for me. But make mine four count mountain climbers, followed by one full minute in the Indian Thinking Position to consider your judgement in making jokes about children (stand with feet shoulder width apart, arms behind the back in the position of parade rest, bend at the waist until your forehead touches the floor. There are only three points of contact with the floor - your forehead, and the balls of each foot. Back is straight, as well as your legs. From the profile, your body position should resemble an inverted "V").

In case you haven't figured it out yet, if there is anything in this world that is taboo for a Ranger, that is fucking with kids.

Rangers fight for and defend children, not make fun of them. Knock 'em out, slickbolt.

McD · Post by **McD** » June 4th, 2004, 1:57 pm

Not Gross but...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods and the bear looks at the rabbit and asks "Does shit stick to your fur?" The Rabbit answers "No". So the bear reaches over and wipes his ass with the rabbit!

Vee · Post by **Vee** » June 4th, 2004, 2:00 pm

McD wrote:Not Gross but...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods and the bear looks at the rabbit and asks "Does shit stick to your fur?" The Rabbit answers "No". So the bear reaches over and wipes his ass with the rabbit!

Daddy-Mack-

Do you have elementary age children at home? :D

Steadfast · Post by **Steadfast** » June 4th, 2004, 2:05 pm

McD wrote:Not Gross but...

A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods and the bear looks at the rabbit and asks "Does shit stick to your fur?" The Rabbit answers "No". So the bear reaches over and wipes his ass with the rabbit!

McD, Thanks for rescueing this fine thread. Your joke may not have been gross but it sure was funnee. Worth 4 Stars and 2 thumbs up! ROFLMAO!

McD · Post by **McD** » June 4th, 2004, 2:37 pm

Thanks my little bit to swing things. Kids yes (unfortunately it was my joke

). Never liked dead baby jokes much.... now that I have kids I can't even crack a smile over them.

McD · Post by **McD** » June 4th, 2004, 3:24 pm

A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"

Lotus Lips · Post by **Lotus Lips** » June 5th, 2004, 12:13 am

Foodboy, after my post about the little girl in the impala (which I just recently found out was a malibu)...you honestly think ANYONE would laugh at that poor excuse for an attempt at humor? Come on man, do their pushups and other exercises, then do some more just because your a dipshit

Parabellum · Post by **Parabellum** » June 5th, 2004, 2:55 pm

certiorari wrote:
McD wrote:A kid came home from school and asked his dad, "Dad, I heard some kids talking about a thing called a vagina. What is a vagina, and what does it look like?"

"Well, son, before sex it looks like a beautiful unopened rose."

"Wow, what does it look like after sex?"

"Well, son, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonaise?"
FUCK HAHAHAHA!!!!

Good one brother...so true!

Steadfast · Post by **Steadfast** » June 5th, 2004, 4:21 pm

Lotus Lips wrote:Foodboy, after my post about the little girl in the impala (which I just recently found out was a malibu)...you honestly think ANYONE would laugh at that poor excuse for an attempt at humor? Come on man, do their pushups and other exercises, then do some more just because your a dipshit

Instead of wishing me well on my reunion, you played smart boy, well, it was a dumb move on your part dribble lips. Only Rangers here can admonish Foodboy for his jokes. You have failed to read FAQ's above and you have further attacked a DEP. We here at armyranger do not live by your standards dribble lips. We are BTDT, you are NOT.

Read and heed dribble lips: http://www.armyranger.com/bb/viewtopic.php?t=3674

If you don't like the jokes, say nothing and just fucken go! It is not your place to correct. Ranger Disinfertention was talking about you and the non-sensical bullshit you utter without thinking.

dribble lips will go to MC and apologize for calling Foodboy "dipshit"

I do not want to see your ass in this topic again. BEGONE!

Ranger Luna, please do not lock this topic.

Snake Juice · Post by **Snake Juice** » June 5th, 2004, 11:50 pm

Edit: delete

Not really a good joke as I re read it.

bperl377 · Post by **bperl377** » December 12th, 2011, 11:07 am

Steadfast wrote:Here is an old one of mine updated. Try eating after this one.

I used to go to town on my day off after mission's in Vietnam. The only prostitute was this old Vietnamese hag of 50 sumtin. She had cornered the market by us as the V.C. took all the good lookin wimen. I found out the French in the 1940's & 50's had also banged her. She was the only biatch around. One month the whole Division was out in the field and I was the first one back. I got over to May Lin's before anyone else. I was so fucken horny. I hopped in the sack and she came barefooted in her robe into the room. She got under the cover and I mounted her. My pecker dropped deep in her cavern and as I moved I felt something scratching my wingwang. I asked May Lin, "what the fuck in her was scratching my wingwang"? It was really starting to be abrasive. She got up and went to the bathroom and came out in 3 minutes. She got back under the covers and told me, "May Lin ready now"!. I got back in her and aaaaaaahh, It felt so dam good, no scrathing at all. I told May Lin, "now you feel great" and I asked her, "what did you do"? May Lin said, "I picked all the scabs and let the puss run"!

ew

rgrwest · Post by **rgrwest** » December 13th, 2011, 8:45 am

Holy Seven and half year BUMP! Well played, at least you are making your rounds through all of the posts!

bperl377 · Post by **bperl377** » December 13th, 2011, 9:33 am

well ive got nothing better to do than browse through the forums while im at wlc so im trying to make the longest running bump ever

Bruins7 · Post by **Bruins7** » July 20th, 2012, 10:09 am

One night a man decides to visit his local bar. He takes a seat and orders a beer. After polishing off his beer, he beckons the bartender over and says, "Betcha $20 I can bite my eye."
The bartender scoffs and accepts. The man then calmly removes his false eye and bites it. The bartender grudgingly forks over a twenty.

Later that night, after a few more beers, the man wanders back to the bar and says rather drunkenly, "Hey barkeep, betcha another $20 I can bite my other eye."

Wanting to win back his money and seriously doubtful that the man has two false eyes, the bartender accepts. The man calmly removes his false teeth and bites his other eye. Scowling, the bartender hands over another twenty. The man leaves and wanders around the bar as he drinks a few more beers.

He strolls back over to the bar, leaning on it, again and calls the bartender, "Hey, barkeep," he burbles, "I'll give you a chance to win yer money back plus. Betcha $100 if you put a shot glass on that end of the bar, and I stood on this end, I could piss into it and not spill a drop."

The bartender eagerly accepts, knowing the feat to be impossible. The man wobbily climbs atop the bar, zips down his fly and promptly pisses all over the bar. He zips up, sits down, slaps the $100 on the bar and laughs uproarously.

"What's so funny?" says the barkeep. "You just lost everything you won and more!"

Well," giggles the man, "I just bet those guys over there $200 that I could piss all over your bar and you wouldn't get angry."

ArmyRanger.com

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