Alright, just heard a few decent short jokes and thought I'd share.
A teacher is in class one day and challenges the students in her class to use the word definitely in a sentence. A little girl in the class raises her hand, and the teacher calls on her. "The sky is definitely always blue", says the young girl. The teacher pauses and says "No, that is not correct because sometimes the sky is gray or orange or red." A little boy in the corner raises his hand and says "The grass is definitely always green." Again the teacher says "No, that's not right either, the grass can also die and be brown." Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher calls on him. "Ma'am, do farts have lumps?" The teacher gets a puzzled look on her face and says "No Johnny, why?" Johnny jumped up excited and said "Then I DEFINITELY just shit my pants."
A young man wakes up early one morning while staying with his grandparents. He decides that he should take the last few hits of LSD he has and tries to find them. He frantically starts searching when they aren't where he left them the night before. The young man goes into the living room and sees his grandmother sitting on the couch. "Grandma, have you seen my pills? They are small, white and have LSD printed on one side." His grandmother looks at him wide eyed and says "Fuck your pills, have you seen the dragon in the kitchen?"
Hope you enjoy. Have a day.
A/3/505 PIR, 82nd 96-98
B/2/121 Inf, 48th BCT Iraq 05-06
B/1/118 Inf, 218th BCT Afghan 07
I'm not stupid, I'm crazy...there is a difference.