30 Little-Known Facts About Chuck Norris...
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I've heard that myself.msg_dman wrote:Grenier swears that he challenged Chuck to a fight and he backed out.
Grenier would holler one time and Chuck would shit his pants.
I know enough students did when he walked in the Chow Hall, all we could do was laugh our asses off.
"It's not for us to reason why, it's just for us to Do or Die!"
"S.A.F.R.A.!"
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HHC 4th RTB 5/92-12/95
Rgr class 1&2-89
"S.A.F.R.A.!"
Bco 1/263rd Armor SCARNG. 11/84-7/87
Aco 3/75 Rgr Regt. 1/88-2/90 (Op-JC)
HHC 2/18 197 Inf Bde/3rd Bde 24th ID. 2/90-5/92 (Op-DS/DS)
HHC 4th RTB 5/92-12/95
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Breeze Sack
- Ranger
- Posts: 154
- Joined: July 21st, 2005, 11:07 am
Chuck and his stunt man would run at the sight of Grenier.SnafuRacer wrote:Ranger AbnRgr289, that wasn't Chuck Norris. That must've been his stuntman. Because if it was Chuck Norris:AbnRgr289 wrote:I know enough students did when he walked in the Chow Hall, all we could do was laugh our asses off.
;)18.) The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris's fist.
Greniers commanding presence would cause them to soil their pretty pink panties.
Hell, if Gizmo was still around, Chuck and his stunt man would bow down to the "Dog that Smoked Ranger Students!"
"It's not for us to reason why, it's just for us to Do or Die!"
"S.A.F.R.A.!"
Bco 1/263rd Armor SCARNG. 11/84-7/87
Aco 3/75 Rgr Regt. 1/88-2/90 (Op-JC)
HHC 2/18 197 Inf Bde/3rd Bde 24th ID. 2/90-5/92 (Op-DS/DS)
HHC 4th RTB 5/92-12/95
Rgr class 1&2-89
"S.A.F.R.A.!"
Bco 1/263rd Armor SCARNG. 11/84-7/87
Aco 3/75 Rgr Regt. 1/88-2/90 (Op-JC)
HHC 2/18 197 Inf Bde/3rd Bde 24th ID. 2/90-5/92 (Op-DS/DS)
HHC 4th RTB 5/92-12/95
Rgr class 1&2-89
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Silverback
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- Been thanked: 1 time
48) Chuck Norris would eat a homeless person if you dared him!
49) Chuck Norris' poop is used as currency in Argentina
50) Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade
51) Chuck Norris uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel
52) Chuck Norris has a toenail on the end of his penis
53) Chuck Norris thinks the "iron man" is gay
54) Chuck Norris framed Roger Rabbit."
49) Chuck Norris' poop is used as currency in Argentina
50) Chuck Norris sweats Gatorade
51) Chuck Norris uses the Shroud of Turin as a golf towel
52) Chuck Norris has a toenail on the end of his penis
53) Chuck Norris thinks the "iron man" is gay
54) Chuck Norris framed Roger Rabbit."
Last edited by Silverback on April 19th, 2006, 6:33 am, edited 1 time in total.
RC 2-87
3-75 84/85, 95/97
"thnks 4 pratn merku!"
3-75 84/85, 95/97
"thnks 4 pratn merku!"
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Silverback
- Ranger
- Posts: 20118
- Joined: March 7th, 2004, 11:06 pm
- Been thanked: 1 time
* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.
* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
* Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
* Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
* There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
* Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
* Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
* Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.
* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.
* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.
* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.
* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.
* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.
* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
* Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.
* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.
* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.
* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."
* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.
* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.
* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.
* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.
* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.
* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.
* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"
* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.
* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.
* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.
* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.
* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.
* Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.
* Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.
* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.
* There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
* Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.
* Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
* Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.
RC 2-87
3-75 84/85, 95/97
"thnks 4 pratn merku!"
3-75 84/85, 95/97
"thnks 4 pratn merku!"
Chuck Norris doesn't breath, he absorbs air through his skin.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat but does so anyways to offend the eco-nazi's with just one more kill.
Chuck Norris doesn't travel. He roundhouse kicks the globe until he is where he wants to be.
Superman's weakness is actually Chuck Norris not Kryptonite.
Chuck Norris's nut butter is used as degreaser, lubricant, fertlizer and key ingedient in many forms of WMD.
Chuck Norris doesn't eat but does so anyways to offend the eco-nazi's with just one more kill.
Chuck Norris doesn't travel. He roundhouse kicks the globe until he is where he wants to be.
Superman's weakness is actually Chuck Norris not Kryptonite.
Chuck Norris's nut butter is used as degreaser, lubricant, fertlizer and key ingedient in many forms of WMD.
"Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit upon his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats." -Henery Louis Mencken (1880-1956)
"I might not be Airborne however, it's whats on my right sleave!"
*1992-1996 USMC CPL
* 12/2005- present USAR Medic PL/ Human Terrain Teams
"I might not be Airborne however, it's whats on my right sleave!"
*1992-1996 USMC CPL
* 12/2005- present USAR Medic PL/ Human Terrain Teams
Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris's Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up
with lactose's shit.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.
Macgyver can build an airplane out of gum and paper clips, but Chuck Norris can kill him and take it.
Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Chuck giveth, and the good Chuck, he taketh away.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
There are no disabled people in the world. Only those people who have felt the wrath of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.
Chuck Norris has recently changed his middle name to "F***ing."
Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris's beard. There is only another fist.
There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and
Chuck Norris
In the movie "Back to the Future" they used Chuck Norris's Delorean to go back into time and into the future. When they gave it back to him with a scratch on it he was angry and roundhouse kicked Michael J. Fox, which years later was the cause of his Parkinson's disease.
Chuck Norris spends his Saturdays climbing mountains and meditating in peaceful solitude. Sundays are for oral sex, KFC and Tequila.
Chuck Norris always has sex on the first date. Always.
Chuck Norris can enter up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A, Select, Start using only his erection.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection.
There were no survivors.
Chuck Norris coined the phrase, "I could eat a Horse" after he ate every last unicorn in existence.
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's
Chuck Norris!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris is not lactose intolerant; he just refuses to put up
with lactose's shit.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
"You know something? I always thought that dogs um, layed eggs. And I, umm, learned something today!" - Peter Griffin
Hilarious
:D :D :D :D I dont think ive ever laughed so much!!! Fuckin Chuck Norris Is the shit!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
Delayed entry program, leave for basic June 22, then AIT, Airborne, REP, and then Ranger.
Everyone thinks im stupid for wanting to be a U.S. Ranger so bad, but ill show them!
Everyone thinks im stupid for wanting to be a U.S. Ranger so bad, but ill show them!
-
Kilted Heathen
- Tadpole
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- Joined: November 12th, 2004, 4:52 pm
Re: Hilarious
Shut the fuck up.ws6man wrote::D :D :D :D I dont think ive ever laughed so much!!! Fuckin Chuck Norris Is the shit!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
312th LRS 1st CAV 89-91
RS 12-91
RI 4RTB 92-94
H Co.121(ABN)(LRS)04-PRESENT
WTC PRC 05-06
OIF 06-07
WTC PRC 07-2010
TF Wolf MUTC 2010-
"The lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying"
The trouble with Scotland is it's full of Scots!
RS 12-91
RI 4RTB 92-94
H Co.121(ABN)(LRS)04-PRESENT
WTC PRC 05-06
OIF 06-07
WTC PRC 07-2010
TF Wolf MUTC 2010-
"The lapdance is always better when the stripper is crying"
The trouble with Scotland is it's full of Scots!
Re: Hilarious
ws6man wrote::D :D :D :D I dont think ive ever laughed so much!!! Fuckin Chuck Norris Is the shit!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D
Too much talking!!
Riamh Nar dhruid O sbairn lan
(Never Retreat From The Clash of Spears)
9ID LRS 90-91
I CORPS LRS 91-93
A CO. 1/509 PIR 93-97
75TH RRA member
Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
Psalm 144:1
(Never Retreat From The Clash of Spears)
9ID LRS 90-91
I CORPS LRS 91-93
A CO. 1/509 PIR 93-97
75TH RRA member
Praise be to the LORD my Rock,
who trains my hands for war,
my fingers for battle.
Psalm 144:1
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SouthernBlonde
- Sister
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- Joined: February 6th, 2006, 7:53 pm
Ya, I taught him that one.......SouthernBlonde wrote:Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and shouting "booyah!"
2/75 HHC C/E 89-92
Rio Hato/AO Diaz CCT/Commo
"It is a heavy thing, to see a Father so strong in life, unable to rise."
"A great civilization is not conquered from without
until it has destroyed itself from within." -W. Durant
Rio Hato/AO Diaz CCT/Commo
"It is a heavy thing, to see a Father so strong in life, unable to rise."
"A great civilization is not conquered from without
until it has destroyed itself from within." -W. Durant
