Army Ranger Resume Humor

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regularnormalguy
Embryo
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Joined: June 15th, 2015, 9:47 am

Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by regularnormalguy »

In my Business Communications class we had to do a project involving find samples of Resume. In the program we use for college I stumbled across one for a Naval Special Forces Officer (cause we all heard of those right)? under the military section. The resume basically contain a bunch of PC crap about he was good with logistics and organizing teams to stop terrorists, blah blah blah. Since I once new an Army Ranger I decided inject it with a little of Ranger humor. Be warned 75% of this resume is still the college PC crap but I figured some of you might appreciate some of my humor or perhaps you will simply think its stupid (which is fine). The parts I highlighted in bold are the modifications I made. Perhaps you guys will consider it an improvement over the original? I changed each of the headings to things in the 75th (let me know if I got it accurate) the original mentioned Naval Special Forces Groups (I guess SF got traded to the Navy). Also I changed his education to reflect an Infantry officer more (let me know if its accurate).

The Ranger
Ft. Benning,GA 31905 706-545-2011
TheRanger@gmail.com


EXECUTIVE PROFILE

Pursuing Executive Opportunities in Defense, Security & Energy Industries

Offering a career dedicated to building and leading organizations that consistently performed beyond expectations and achieved unprecedented success in challenging global situations.


LEADERSHIP COMPETENCIES

A strategic, flexible and innovative leader with a record of exceptional performance at the most senior levels and a portfolio of outstanding performance evaluations. Commended as “the most talented and professionally competent,” “magnificent with flawless performance,” and “great leader and manager, superb trainer and excellent problem solver.” Top Secret Security Clearance (TS/SBI).

Strategic Planning & Leadership
Organizational Design & Development
Executive Development & Leadership
Start-Up Organizations & Turnarounds/Revitalization
Team Building & Leadership
Financial & Budgetary Management
Staff Training, Development & Promotion
Asset & Resource Management/Allocation
Multinational/Multicultural Negotiations
Risk Analysis & Contingency Planning
Advanced Systems & Technologies
Relationship Development & Management

A conceptual, creative and critical thinker with sound judgment, reasoning and decision-making capabilities within diverse organizations. Outstanding communication, listening, coaching and mentoring skills with the ability to motivate and empower people and organizations to deliver exceptional results. Extensive public-speaking experience before governmental committees, military boards, US and foreign government leaders, ambassadors, boards of directors and the media. Maintain the highest moral standards and level of integrity. Traveled and lived worldwide. PC proficient with Microsoft Office Suite and Windows. See that man in the black beret ask him how he earns his pay. See that man in the black beret Killings how he earns his pay He's the best the world will see Airborne Ranger Infantry.


PROFESSIONAL EXPERIENCE

UNITED STATES ARMY - INFANTRY/ 75TH RANGER REGIMENT 1994 to Present
GOARMY.COM


Distinguished leadership career with the US Navy’s Special Operations Command. Promoted rapidly based on consistently strong performance and measurable results in increasingly responsible operating management, organizational management and leadership positions. Held full strategic planning, staffing, budgeting, operating and resource management responsibility for organizations with up to 1400 personnel. Advanced to current rank as Colonel. Discharge date of October 2009.



Commander – Afghanistan Counter-Terrorism Team (2008 to Present)
Selected by the most senior-level military officer in Afghanistan- Col. Snuffy to build and lead a National Counter-Terrorism organization able to provide the Afghan government with a dedicated and focused counter-terrorism capability. Led a team of 14 who, in 6 months and with a $300M investment, transitioned the concept into a fully operational and fully equipped organization, They were trained the Afghan military, to hunt terrorists, perfect light infantry tactics, spent hours cleaning their rifles, trained them to spit Copenhagen, quote Pulp Fiction and the Big Lebowski, perform CQB tactics, CQC Tactics, Basic Airborne Training.

Developed and championed concept from initial strategy through final funding and approval by the Afghan Prime Minister and the US Government. Briefed officials at the highest levels on counter-terrorism strategy, policy and operations.

Established 120-person National Counter-Terrorism Bureau to provide 24/7 situation awareness and reporting capability. Developed the organization’s strategy, policies and operating procedures and created a proactive and fluid operating infrastructure responsive to constantly changing priorities.


Built 300-person Counter-Terrorist organization responsible for all 2000 Special Operations personnel throughout the country. Used my Tomahawk. Developed organizational structure to facilitate personnel recruitment and training to sustain an 1800-person field organization.


Spearheaded integration of $5.6M intelligence collection system to streamline the integration, analysis and reporting of all intelligence into one centralized national database critical to the success of the overall counter-terrorist initiative. Oh hail, Oh hail, Oh infantry Queen of battle, follow me Oh, airborne ranger's the life for me For nothing in this world is free.


Established and led several US/Afghan working groups that collaborated to create a national structure to integrate strategy, plans, intelligence priorities and operations in a dedicated effort to restore peace to the region.


Deputy Commander – 75th Ranger Regiment  (2007 to 2008)
Top-level Ranger responsible for the development, operations, modernization, resource management, asset management, personnel and financial affairs of six distinct organizations with a total of 8000 personnel worldwide.

Re engineered the entire process for monitoring the status of both the logistical and financial requirements to support a 20,000-person field organization. Established milestones, performance objectives, goals and measurement tools. Led high-level, monthly strategic planning sessions with top personnel to move forward critical development initiatives.


Concurrently, appointed to the Board of Directors of the US Navy Special Operations Command, a prestigious assignment working with three other top-ranked military generals. Provided strategic leadership for planning, programming and budgeting of all human, financial and combat resources for operations worldwide.

Guided allocation of more than $3B in annual financial resources to ensure men where well armed with M4s, M249s, Tomahawks, cans of Copenhagen, cartons of Lucky Strike, cartons of Camels, bottles of Southern Comfort, Jack Daniels and most importantly $1B worth of Beer. (RANGERS DO NOT FIGHT TILL THEY HAVE HAD THEIR BEER)! Also provided was adequate training and resources to meet current wartime objectives. Testified before the Department of the Army and Department of Defense to justify programming and budgetary requirements.


Key contributor to the development of the Command’s Future Years’ Development & Protection Program, a strategy to build and fund Special Operations by more than 5500 personnel at a cost of $6.7B over a 10-year period.


Deputy Director for Ranger Operations – RLTW ATW (2004 to 2007)
Senior Adviser to the Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff on all matters pertaining to the use of Rangers in the global war on terrorism (e.g., counter terrorism, unconventional warfare, special reconnaissance, direct action, foreign internal defense, RLTW-ATW). Provided critical information, analysis and recommendations on personnel, equipment, technology and asset requirements to meet organizational needs. Negotiated with, organized and led senior-level personnel from various government agencies to facilitate cooperative planning, resource acquisition/deployment and field operations.

Designed, championed and implemented a new initiative to realign resources and establish an independent organization to streamline both the planning and processes for obtaining authorizations from the Secretary of Defense for the global deployment of Special Operations forces.


Drafted and published the Al Qaeda Order, a strategic document delegating authority from the Secretary of Defense to the regional military commanders to disrupt terrorist activities worldwide. Devoted 18 months to intense negotiations and coordination with various government agencies to build consensus and obtain final approval.


Captain – 3rd Ranger Battalion – 75th Ranger Regiment (2002 to 2004)
Senior position leading the training, development and deployment of 1500 Special Operations personnel. Directed command and control, intelligence, administration, logistics, communications, resource management and field operations. Controlled $8.5M annual operating budget. Commanded Combined Joint Special Operations Task Force in Lebanon, a 1600-person, multinational organization responsible for all special operations during Operation Enduring Freedom. Commanded 1500 West African personnel and trained 7000 African soldiers deployed to Ghana to conduct peacekeeping operations.


1st Platoon Leader- Bravo Company- 3rd Ranger Battalion- 75th Ranger. (2000 to 2002)
Driving force for the establishment of personnel policies that led to the greatest combat capability possible for the 24,000 personnel within the Special Operations Command. Led a staff of 71 (including 34 officer-level personnel) and managed a $1M annual operating budget of Jack Dainels. Jumped into Afghanistan, FOXTROT SIERRA UNIFORM on terrorists. Responsible for leading men into battle, but really letting the NCO's do all of the work, made sure my guys had plenty of Redman chew and ammo. Personnel policies, plans and programs to support operations worldwide. Focused on personnel training and readiness, personnel leadership, retention, employee relations and other factors critical to maintaining a fully integrated military and civilian workforce. When I get to heaven Saint Peter's gonna say"How'd you earn your living boy? How'd you earn your pay?" I'll reply with a whole lot of anger "I made my living as an Airborne Ranger! Blood, guts, sex and danger That's the life of an Airborne Ranger!"


2nd Platoon Leader- Delta Company- 3rd Ranger Battalion- 75th Ranger (1994 to 1999)
Senior-level position managing a 42-person Special Operations organization comprised of several distinct operating units. Focused efforts on personnel training and readiness to deploy worldwide in response to US military objectives. Recognized for building and leading the “best command and control headquarters” during Jordanian deployment. Led multinational teams. Jumping through windows, kicking down walls Airborne Rangers were having a ball So if there's trouble in the world today Call on the men in the Black Berets.


1st Platoon Leader- 2nd Battalion- Easy Company- 101st Airborne Division (1989 to 1994)
Managed planning and analysis of professional development needs to meet current and long-range personnel requirements of the Special Operations worldwide. Researched and published special investigative studies, developed new procedures to select best-qualified personnel for leadership positions, and facilitated development of next-generation database applications to provide critical trend analysis. Roped out of 100 hundreds of black hawk helicopters, spent hours at the range, went through at least 300 cans of Copenhagen, fired my M4 Daily, took credit when my NCO's and Enlisted personal did well, blamed them when I messed up. Previous military career included assignments in progressively responsible positions in Operations, Logistics and Personnel in locations worldwide. Led up to 30 personnel. Key US figure responsible for organizing, training, planning and leading one platoon of 30 soldiers in the successful assault of Iraq during Operation Desert Shield/Desert Storm. One-oh-one Screaming eagles Pick up your ropes and follow me I'm the air assault infantry.

Notable Military Awards & Commendations:

Combat Infantry Badge
Airborne Tab
Expert Infantry Badge
Air Assault Tab
Ranger Tab
Expert Marksman Badge- M16, M4, M249


EDUCATION AND LEADERSHIP TRAINING

IBOLC, Fort Benning, GA, 1987
BS Degree – Criminal Justice, Northwestern University, Chicago, IL, 1986

Airborne School, Fort Bragg, 1988
Air Assault School, Fort Campbell, 1988
Ranger School, Fort. Benning, 1994
Ranger RIP, Fort. Benning, 1994


PERSONAL PROFILE

Competitive athlete (baseball, and hockey) throughout high school and college. Awarded “Most Valuable Player.” Two years on Northwestern University’s collegiate hockey team. Drafted by the NY Rangers in 1986, ahead of Brian Leetch, Jimmy Carson and Adam Graves but opted to become an Army Ranger instead.


Like I said earlier Not sure if you guys would find this funny or simply stupid but I decided to post it anyway.
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Steadfast
Rest In Peace Ranger
Posts: 20949
Joined: December 19th, 2003, 10:09 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by Steadfast »

Now if there are copies from other sites in any or all the above and is copywrited we would only allow only the first 3 paragraphs or maybe 9 lines & everything else with (bla bla bla) link & who owns credit/copywrite. State where you got your facts.

Didn't think Rangers want their beer was funny since some foreign countries we enter, our higher ups decide whether we can or can not have alcohol due to religious reasons (including all services) Rangers follow orders. You've done a pathetic job trying to make Rangers look/act like bozo's.
RLTW
Steadfast

4/325 82d DIV 68-69
2nd Bde HHC (LRRP), 4 ID
K Co (Rgr), 75th Inf (Abn), 4 ID
69-70
I cooked with C- 4
regularnormalguy
Embryo
Posts: 5
Joined: June 15th, 2015, 9:47 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by regularnormalguy »

The original is from My college a program called my Courses. Not sure if it is copy righted or not since my college is a state college. Plus we were encourage to print any sample resumes we wanted and keep them for reference. So I guess if your not selling them or making money its ok? I'm not sure. And we were encouraged to edit them with our own details.

As for the Beer thing, one of the Rangers I knew was in back in the 90's and back them he said in the enlisted barracks, it was like a frat house meets a trailer park. Empty beer bottles were everywhere, getting hammered on the weekends was the popular past time, fights broke out between junior enlisted often, sometimes simply for fun. So I wasn't sure if that was still the norm. By the sounds of it, it sounds much stricter today.

The other Ranger I knew was a recruiter circa 08-10, I believe he was an E-7 (not sure), he was 11B with the blue cord, tab and a scroll. He mentioned dipping was common, especially Copenhagen was common. I assumed he dipped heavily in the past since he was always chewing ice cubes or sun flower seeds or peanuts.

I didn't mean any offense by the beer thing, I was just going with the knowledge that I knew. I am leaning towards becoming a Air Force Pilot (back up is Army Aviation) but I know in the AF Pilot world, drinking humor and drinking jokes are common. Though the AF humor seems almost juvenile or South Park like. If you want an example look up I'm a Pilot by Dos Gringos.

Again I apologize Ranger Steadfast I didn't mean to make the Rangers look like bozos, I was hoping to make a few of you laugh. If this post offends any Rangers please delete it.

Ranger Steadfast I have one question: Yankees or Mets?
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cams
Ranger/Moderator
Posts: 9644
Joined: June 9th, 2005, 6:45 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by cams »

I already instructed you to read the FAQ's and rules of the site before posting again, as well as watch, listen and learn and RESEARCH YOUR SHIT so you can get off on the right foot here, and here you are just hours later in the fucking Day Room smoking and joking.

This is not a fanboy website or a fucking FB page stud. For someone that doesn't even know if they want to join the Air National Guard or the Regiment (because we're so laid back as you think) you have a long fucking road ahead of you.

Get your shit straight or go back to fucking FB. This ain't it, we ain't the Air Guard, and we're not here to listen to fucking retards ramble on about their BS nonsense college papers written about us.
2/75 HHC C/E 89-92
Rio Hato/AO Diaz CCT/Commo

"It is a heavy thing, to see a Father so strong in life, unable to rise."

"A great civilization is not conquered from without
until it has destroyed itself from within." -W. Durant
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Bushwack
US Army Veteran - Ranger Parent
Posts: 175
Joined: October 4th, 2005, 11:38 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by Bushwack »

Cams,
He may not know what a day room is.
SP6/SSG, B 5/6 ADA 76-79; 95th Svc Co 80-82; 523 Maint. Co. 82-84
Proud of him and those like him.
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cams
Ranger/Moderator
Posts: 9644
Joined: June 9th, 2005, 6:45 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by cams »

Bushwack wrote:Cams,
He may not know what a day room is.
He doesn't know what simple instructions are either.
2/75 HHC C/E 89-92
Rio Hato/AO Diaz CCT/Commo

"It is a heavy thing, to see a Father so strong in life, unable to rise."

"A great civilization is not conquered from without
until it has destroyed itself from within." -W. Durant
User avatar
Steadfast
Rest In Peace Ranger
Posts: 20949
Joined: December 19th, 2003, 10:09 am

Re: Army Ranger Resume Humor

Post by Steadfast »

Regular guy wanted his account deleted, word went to him, post request on open board.
In the words of Master Sgt Mulvaney From Civil war film to Col Shaw. Col Shaw says you may speak freely MSG Mulvaney. Response: I understand. Sir, Troop is your friend, then let him grow some more. Col Shaw says, Carry on MSG Mulvaney.
RLTW
Steadfast

4/325 82d DIV 68-69
2nd Bde HHC (LRRP), 4 ID
K Co (Rgr), 75th Inf (Abn), 4 ID
69-70
I cooked with C- 4
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