Rio Hato December 1989

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

I KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN DETAIL ON THAT JUMP! I SEEN SOME UNTRUTHS! U WANT THE TRUTH? I DONT THINK U CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

[Looon]

I KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN DETAIL ON THAT JUMP! I SEEN SOME UNTRUTHS! U WANT THE TRUTH? I DONT THINK U CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Hey fucker. How you doing?

[Lunch]

I KNOW EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED IN DETAIL ON THAT JUMP! I SEEN SOME UNTRUTHS! U WANT THE TRUTH? I DONT THINK U CAN HANDLE THE TRUTH!

WTF over?

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

I'M DOING GREAT AND THE DUDE THAT GOT SHOT WAS A SSG THAT WAS GOING TO BE MY REPLACEMENT. I WAS LEAVING SOON AND HE JUST GOT IN. HE WAS AN E-6 AG FOR ME SINCE I WAS SHORT ONE IN MY WEAPONS SQUAD. IM NOT SURE OF THE SPELLING BUT HE WAS SSG WHALING. HE WAS NEW SO WE PILED HIM WITH LOTS OF SHIT IN HIS 1950, IT WAS SO FULL WE DUCK TAPED IT SHUT WITH A QUICK RELEASE IN THE TAPE. SGT NEADABAUMER TOLD HIM SINCE HE WAS KNEW HE WOULD PROBABLY BE THE ONLY ONE OF US THAT GOT SHOT.
I THINK NEADABAUMER WORKS FOR THAT BLACK BITCH WITH THE PSYCHIC HOTLINE NOW.
WE WERE APPROACHING THE DZ AND WERE ALREADY HOOKED UP WHEN I NOTICED THE NEWBIE SSG NOT MAINTAINING CONTROL OF HIS STATIC LINE AND WAS LETTING IT DANGLE. HIS BACK WAS TURNED TOWARD THE SKIN OF THE AIRCRAFT. I MOVED AROUND TO HIS FRONT AND YELLED "GET A BITE IN UR STATIC LINE MOTHERFUCKER". HE WAS EXHAUSTED BECAUSE OF THE WEIGHT HE HAD LIKE WE ALL WERE BUT HE WAS PACKING A LITTLE MORE BEING AN AG.
I REMEMBER HEARING A LOT OF DINGS ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE A/C (WHICH WERE ROUNDS HITTING THE PLANE)BUT THEN THERE WAS A POP SOUND THAT SOUNDED LIKE ONE OF THOSE TOE POPPERS FROM THE TRAINING GRENADES.
WHALING THEN ARCHED BACK AND SAID IM HIT.
OUR ORDER ON OUR SIDE OF THE A/C
1 IRON MIKE HENLEY
2 YOURS TRULY CHUCKIE JIHAD
3 THE SHOT DUDE
4 THE EXTREMELY GOOFY NEADABAUMER
THE ROUND PEIRCED HIS MIDDLE BACK AND CAME OUT HIS UPPER BACK NEVER HITTING THE SPINE.
NOW HERE IS WHERE IT GETS INTERESTING.
TO BE CONTINUED...........................................
I GOT TO TAKE A HUSKY STEAMER

[Lunch]

That must be some husky steamer...when you gonna finish the story?

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

OK CHILDREN, GATHER AROUND FOR THE REST OF THE STORY AND GRAB YOURSELF A PUDDIN POP.
IT WAS A DARK AND GLOOMY NIGHT AND THE SKY WAS FULL OF MEN HANGING FROM ENCHANTED MUSHROOMS FLOATING IN THE SKY.
THESE BRAVE SOULS WHERE ON A COURSE CALLED DESTINY.
NAMES WILL NOW BE CHANGED TO PROTECT THE EXTREMELY GUILTY. SINCE IT'S THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION WHO LOVES THE FELON VOTE AND LOVES TO TAKE WEAPONS OUT OF THE HANDS OF LAW ABIDING CITIZENS AND GIVE THEM TO CRIMINALS. I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT HAS TO DO WITH THE STORY BUT I NEVER MISS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SLAM THIS FREELOADING LIBERAL SAND IN THE VAGINA BITCH. NOW BACK TO THE REST OF THE STORY.

SSG WHALING STATED IM HIT! IMMEDIATELY SSG STUDLEY HUNGWELL AND THE OTHER MEN IN THE VICINITY THOUGHT HE SAID I QUIT! WHICH PROMPTED HIS SSG (STUDLEY HUNGWELL) TO START WHALING ON WHALING. THE MEN AROUND HIM THOUGHT HE WAS BEING A JUMP REFUSAL BEING A NEWBIE AND NOT BEING ESTABLISHED THAT A CERTAIN MEMBER STARTED BANGING HIS KEVLAR WITH HIS HEAD IN IT OFF THE SKIN OF THE A/C. THEN A FEW RIGHT HOOKS LATER MEN STARTING FILING OUT THE DOOR. SSG STUDLEY HUNGWELL IMMEDIATELY TRIED TO UNHOOK HIS SNAP HOOK AND THEN NOTICED A GAP IN THE LINE GOING OUT THE DOOR. HE PASSED THE SNAP HOOK TO SGT TATOR TOT AND RAN OUT THE DOOR. SSG TATOR TOT UNHOOKED THE SNAP HOOK AND THREW IT AT SSG WHALING HITTING HIM IN THE FACE.
SSG WHALING NEVER MADE IT OUT OF THE AC AND THE REST IS HISTORY. THE NEXT DAY TALK AROUND RIO HATO WAS ABOUT THE JUMP REFUSAL. WE DIDNT FIND OUT ABOUT HIM BEING SHOT UNTIL LATER THE NEXT DAY.
WHEN WE LANDED AT FT BENNING HE WAS THERE TO GREAT US AND WE SAID WE WERE SORRY FOR WHOOPING HIS ASS. HE STATED HE ONLY REMEMBERS THE VERY BEGINNING AND THAT'S IT.
IT WAS KEPT QUIET ALL THESE YEARS AND NO ONE EVER GOT THE STORY RIGHT. I HAVE HEARD MANY DIFFERENT VERSIONS. WHEN I WAS A 1SG OUR COMPANY XO WAS TELLING THE STORY WHEN I WAS WALKING BY. IT SEEMS SOME RANGERS LEFT BN AND FOR SOME REASON WERE A BREACH IN SECURITY.
NOW THAT IM RETIRED I THINK U ALL NEED TO KNOW THE TRUTH. PLUS I CANT GET CHAPTERED NOW. HA HA NOW THAT'S FUNNY.
HEY DON'T BLAME ME FOR A LAPSE IN JUDGMENT AND BEING UNPROFESSIONAL U YOUNG RANGERS. IT WAS A DIFFERENT WAY OF LIFE IN THE LATE 80,S. IT WAS THE LIFE OF KOALAFYING AND SOLDIERS SAYING "MY SL BEATS ME BECAUSE HE LOVES ME".
I DONT BLAME MYSELF BUT I DO BLAME STUDLEY HUNGWELL. THE BASTARD.
I HOPE U ENJOYED THIS WALK DOWN MEMORY LANE AND GOD SPEED TO ALL THOSE RANGERS THAT ARE IN HARMS WAY. IT'S FUNNY HOW WHEN U LOOK BACK U DONT THINK ABOUT ALL THE GOOD THINGS U DONE BEING A RANGER BUT U LOOK AND TELL STORIES ABOUT HOW FUCKED UP U WERE. THE STORIES ALL END UP WITH A CHUCKLE AND ANOTHER ORDER OF BEERS. I ESPECIALLY LIKE THE STORIES THAT START OFF WITH "SO THERE I STOOD WITH A MEDIUM BENDABLE"
THANKS FOR LISTENING RANGER BUDDIES AND I HOPE U ENJOYED IT.
PS-OBAMA IS SO STUPID HIS HAIR HURTS AND HIS WIFE LOOKS LIKE A BAG OF ASS.
IM OUT! CHUCKIE JIHAD HAS LEFT THE BUILDING.

[centermass]

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

THIS IS CHUCKIE O'REILLY AND THE SPIN STOPS HERE MOTHERFUCKERS!

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

OH YEAH! THAT STUDLEY HUNGWELL DUDE IS EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING. HE ALSO HAS A GREAT PERSONALITY AND A TIGHT BUTTOCKS!
ALSO WHEN IT GET'S COLD HE CAN CUT GLASS WITH HIS NIPPLES!

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

SINCE THE NEW BLACK PANTHER PARTY HAS BEEN DETERMINED TO BE ABOVE THE LAW I HAVE DECIDED TO APPLY TODAY FOR MEMBERSHIP. I WANT TO SEE IF THEY ARE AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY EMPLOYER.

[Bravo57]

Welcome back Chuck

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

SORRY ABOUT THE FUCKED UP SPELLING. I SENT IT BEFORE PROOF READING IT. HEY, DON'T BLAME ME. BLAME THE PHILADELPHIA EDJUMICATIONAL SYSTEM!

[Lunch]

Thanks for the story...glad to hear this version. Can I have another puddin pop?

[Lunch]

... IT WAS A DIFFERENT WAY OF LIFE IN THE LATE 80,S. IT WAS THE LIFE OF KOALAFYING AND SOLDIERS SAYING "MY SL BEATS ME BECAUSE HE LOVES ME".

After all these years, I finally understand. A belated thank you and I love you too going out to my old SL.

[CHUCKCOOLEY]

NOW THAT LAST COMMENT WAS FUNNY!